Evening Republican, Volume 23, Number 188, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 August 1920 — IN ANOTHER KEY [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

IN ANOTHER KEY

SICKLY STREAMS. “Rivers,” said the American; “why, your rivers are nothing to ours. Compared with our Hudson and Mississippi your Mersey, Severn and Thames are sleepy, sickly streams.” “Oh, come!” protested the EnglishTnSh. “Ithlnkyour rivers are just as sickly as ours.” “How do you ma£e that out?” “Wen, they are all confined to their beds,” replied the visitor. Long-Felt Want Bill —I'm going to start a new society right away. Phil —For what purpose? Bill —To induce motion-picture producers to use only big and difficult words in picture subtitles, so that the Ignoramuses who read them aloud will be foiled.—Film Fun. •’ ~- 'r '

AT THE AFTERNOON TEA. The Commission Man — Some fancy stock here, eh? The Packer —Reminds me of the specialty market: Tongues Active! Brains weak! Of Course. “When money talks,” Said Simeon Sparks, , "No doubt .it makes Some rich remarks." For Nothing. “What did the policeman bring you here for?” asked the Judge. “Nothing, your honor,” replied the prisoner. “Absolutely nothing!” “All right,” replied the judge. ‘Til give you sixty days and now you can’t say you’ve never been given something for nothing.” Able to Pay. The Lawyer—You say. you want to ask for five hundred a year separation allowance. How much does your husband make? Fair Client —He’s making about £BOO at present, but I’m sure he could do better if he bad to.”—London Answers. * — — —— 1 . , . He Grew Silent, t -• v Young Lady—l want a bow, please. Smart Young Clerk —I’m at your service. Young Lady (eyeing him closely)— Yes, but I want a white one —not a green.” ■ * v Economical Instinct. “It is the economy of nature which makes a dog chase his ta.il.” “How do you make -that out?” at “Because he does it to make both ends meet.” . ,

THE SAME RESULT. f “Do you intend to move this year?” “Well, we did intend to, but all of our neighbors moved, po it saved us the trouble." ' Too Good Matured. | He loves to listen to himself; ' ’Twould be a good employment If he were -generous In sharing the enjoyment.. Near-Panic, Anyway. He —It’s easy to cause a money panic these times. She—How so? _ He—Just caped an for a-palr of shoes.—Yale Records B » Her Plan. “Darling, wo must economise. Don't you think hereafter We’ can get along without the lunch after the theater?" “Yes, possibly we could. But if we must save money let us cut out the theater and still have the after-theatjer lunch.” * •> . ’ 1 — — Hence the Holler. ■ . “What is your baby bowUng about?? t "I guess he’s protesting because* nature has denied free .speech to -eh»dren under eighteen months.”—Home Sector.