Evening Republican, Volume 23, Number 168, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 July 1920 — CAP and BELLS [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

CAP and BELLS

Ready for the Ordeal. “Have you prepared a good supply of cribs?” “Yes.” “Have you concealed the textbook in your hat?” "Yes.” • “Are you sure you gave the instructor a good cigar?” “Certainly.” “Well, then, let’s go in and hit that prelim in ethics.” —Cornell Widow. Deliberation. “I must admit,” said Mr. Meekton, “that a woman often proceeds with more cautious deliberation than a man.” “For instance?” “A man frequently decides an Important matter by flipping a coin, where a woman will consult a ouija board.” A Sensitive Soul. “Why don’t you give yourself up to the police?” asked the inferior intellect. “What for?” exclaimed Bill the Burg. •1 want to tell you some of those police have said such unkind things about me that I don’t feel like ’sociating with them.” Providing for Family Friends. “I wish I knew what I could use these tiny pieces of cloth for,” mused the wife. “Make guest towels of them,” observed the husband. —Life.

DANGER. Coon —Meet me at Squire Brown’s hen roost tonight, Mr. Possum. Possum —No, thank you. Too much chance of some other "coon” being there. Cheap. An imitation ring Is cheap. But what is cheaper than (And fitter for the rubbish heap) An Imitation man? Little Pitchers. “Mr. Smith, let me see you sharpen it, will you?” “Sharpen what, my boy?” “Why, when you came, pa told ma you had an ax to grind.” Easy Question. “What are the best sellers just now?” . “Do Lhave to tell you? Those with the biggest stock laid up In ’em.” Plenty of Practice. “Your friend seems to be a great one for asserting himself.” “He is lucky in having chances. His wife has an Impediment in her speech.” Fine Present. “What are you going to give to fit up the minister’s library?” “I thought I would a pretty antiquarian with gold fish in IL

Appreciation. Friend of the Institution—What do the Inmates think of the new asylum? Keeper—They just rave over it, sir!” —London Mall. A Job Delegated. Howard—Does Coward ever tell his wife just how horrid she IS? j a y—No, he hires cooks to do It for . him. —Judge. Had Thought of IL “Have you never thought of retiring from politics?” “Yes,” replied Senator Sorghum; “but always with a shudder.” K Remiss Actions. “There are some queer things about‘the actions of nature.” “Name some, for Instance. -That she does not put lids on the chest instead of the eye, and that she doesn’t make shingles come on the roof of the mouth.” Cynical AssenL She—Do you believe a woman could make a success of an‘idea for a flying machine? _ M _ ' He—Why not? Most of women’s Mean incline to the flighty.