Evening Republican, Volume 23, Number 159, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 July 1920 — Adrift with Humor [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Adrift with Humor

DECEMBER’S TrME ENUUtaH. Jessie —Have you mentioned leap year the presence of your beau as yet? Tessie—Do I look foolish enough to pull a scare like that on a shy young man and I not knowing where my next steady is coming from? —Buffalo Express. Cleaned Out. Judge—Have you anything to offer the court before sentence is passed on you? , Prisoner—No, your honor; my lawyer took my last dollar. Accepting the Correction. The Gob—A strange cruiser has |ust parsed us. The Ensjgn —Say, “sir.” The Gob—A strange cruiser has lust surpassed us. Not Wanted. “I can give you reading lights in your library of considerable candle pow’er —” “But I don’t want candles, i want ilectric light" The Real Test. “He has ’ a great memory for lames and faces.” “That’s all right, but can he remember the times he borrows money front lis friends?” His Object “I know a man who married more than once and always for money.” “What a mercenary wretch-” “Not at all. He was a minister.”

WORSE THAN CHICKENS. •What did you raise in your garden last year?” “Nothing. Some kids in the neighborhood raised Cain in it” Geology and Finance. Some day the coal will all give out. Yet, as we fear the worst. We are convinced beyond a doubt, The cash will vanish first. His Place. “You would think from the way that actor carries himself, he was a superhuman.” ' “So he is—at fifty cents a night” His Trouble. , ' . “There goes one of the most wideawake men I know.” “So enterprising." “No; he’s got insomnia.” Loyalty. “Pa, what is loyalty?” “Loyalty, my boy, is that spirit which causes a man to turn down an offer of more money from the other fellow.” Hardest Kind of Work. Housewife—There is plenty of work # about if you’d only look for it. Hobo —Yes,-lady, an’ by the time I’ve found it all me energy’sgone.,——..

On the Defense. Oke —Would you be satisfied if you had all the money you wanted? Owens-M’d be satisfied if I had all the money my creditors wanted. Naturally. “She made a pointed address at the club yesterday.” “What was It on?” “Pin money." The Fault “This automobile seems to be disabled somewhere. What’s the trouble with her?” * “I guess it’s her rheumatic tires." Murder WIU Out . Lester Ledfoot—This floor Is very slippery. It is hard to keep on your feet s His dance partner —Ohl Then you were really trying to keep on my feet? I thought it was accidental. • Char|»able View. The Setter—What did the fiends in human form cut your tail off for, Sport? The Fox Terrier—Search me I Maybe one of the results of the high cost ■t living la dogtail soup. .