Evening Republican, Volume 23, Number 147, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 June 1920 — SCRAPS of HUMOR [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SCRAPS of HUMOR

DIDN’T SHE KNOW? Always interested in children, Miss Helen Gould recently contributed generously toward the maintenance of a summer school. After it was established she paid the school a visit and ventured to question one of the kindergarten classes. “Now, children,” she said, “tell me what sort of clothes the puppy wears.” No reply. “Come, now,” she repeated, determined to extract the right answer by naming everything that a dog didn’t wear, “does he wear feathers ?” A pained expression crossed the face of a little boy in the front row. “Please, ma’am,” he said, pityingly, "ain’t you never seen a dog?”

. * A KICK. Mr. Bird —You never have anything but cold worms for dinner. Why don’t you have some nice hot fire files? Drawing the Line. This life’s a game of give and take, A statement of tee heard; But I'll rise up and hit the Jake Who addresses me as “bird.” Plenty of It. “I know a man who always geta more game than he wants when he goes hunting.” “How is that?” “He is generally hunting trouble.” Suiting the Word to the Action. “Willie, didn’t you hear me tell you to stop your noise?” “Yes, mother, but Pm a horse an you should have said, ‘Whoa.’ *— Browning’s Magazine.

His Specialty. “Does your son show any particular athlethlc tendency at college?” “Oh, yes; he’s running through my money.” Those Girls. “Maud reminds me of a public office.” “Why so?” ■ “She’s continually seeking the man.” Not Quite That. “Don’t you think the baby favors his father?” “H’m! Well, he looks like him, but I wouldn’t call it a favor.” Posthumous Courage. hear Hopps is going to contest his wife’s will.” “I suppose he won’t be afraid to do it now that she’s dead.”

th;e situation. "How are you making out with your chicken farming?” “I find it hard scratching.” Queer. Our speech is very queer, ’tis true. And many words are punned. For instance, when our bills are due The best of us are dunned. Well Qualified. "So you want a position here as a floorwalker? What experience have you had?” “We have a six-months-old baby that has never slept a whole night through since, it waa born.” Merely a Suggestion. Bridget—Do come apd look at the, beautiful sunset out av the kitchen winder, ma’am. - — . - - Mistress—That’s nothing, Bridget. You ought to see it rise some morn* ing. , Mixing Metaphors. “Don’t you think our friend Croosum might’ loom up & a dark horse?" “No,” declared Senator Sorghum; •record’s too shady. It would require a great deal of whitewashing to qualify him as a darfc horse." -