Evening Republican, Volume 23, Number 137, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 June 1920 — LIFESLITTLE JESTS [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

LIFESLITTLE JESTS

ON SECOND THOUGHT. "I’ve got a scheme,” said Farmer Corntossel. "When It’s time to get busy on the farm, Til get a camera and have photographs made of how farmin’ is done. That’ll put the hired men an* the farmerettes and everybody on their mettle. They’ll all Imagine they’re moving picture stars.” “It’s a fine idea,” answered the wifa “Only think of the Salaries they’ll demand I” Gettlng Information. “Sometimes,” said Senator Sorghum, “I am tempted to believe In this ouija board business.” — “Getting superstitious?” “Not exactly. But there must be some supernatural way for all these orators to have found out exactly what George Washington would have said under these circumstances.” Clever Idea. Transportation Manager — What’s the idea of raising that brakeman’s pay? What did he do? President—lnvented a burglar alarm for every freight car. Transportation Manager — Burglai alarm ? President—Yep; puts a bar of soap In each freight car. Dressing Up. Mrs. Lastcry—My good man, is that outer garment you are wearing an exflusive design? The Plumber—You mean my overills, ma’am? No’m. Buy ’em any. where. Mrs. Lastcry—Then you won’t mind my copying the bodice for a new eve« ning gown I’m having made?

FREE FOR ALT*. ' “My apartment house is very noisy, i I suffer in ellence." “You don’t have to do that. Get a graphophone yourself.” Any Chump Can Do It For him who needlessly complains I do not care a feather; I’ve found it doesn’t call for brains To criticize the weather. - ■ The Kind. “I am looking for a place where 1 can fill a temporary vacancy.” “There’s a restaurant just over the . way, sir, where a number of people are doing it.” The Reason. “Don’t go into this spelling bee.” “Why not?” I “Because with your limitations, you will find yourself in a hornet’s nest” No Smoking Allowed. “Did you tell her that smoking isn’t allowed?” “Yes.” “Did you point out the notice?” “Yes.” , “Well, what did she do?” “Lit her cigarette with it” —Tib Bits.

Shakespearian Citation. Professor of English Literature—' Can you cite any passage from Shakespeare which presages the coming ol the automobile? Freshman —Yes, sir. “Curses not loud, but deep.” It D*ependa. Prospective Lodger—What’s the rent of this room, including the use of the piano? landlady-—I can’t say off-hand. You must„ play me something first Accounting for It jle—Statistics show that more bachelors are criminals than married men. She—That is because the bachelors have nobody to blanje it on. । Great Carryings On. Mrs. Newbride—My dear, I’m so worried. Our cook is carrying on something awful. Mrs. Oldbride—Mine did the same thing. Carried away enough to start a small grocery store. Literal Improvement -'J “When she was taxed with her want neatness, she swept out the room with disdain-” “It would have, heen nftore to the purpose if she swept It out with « broom.” '