Evening Republican, Volume 23, Number 121, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 May 1920 — ON THE FUNNY SIDE [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

ON THE FUNNY SIDE

AFTER THE COFFEE. Prof. Puntolinl wished to train his son, a high school freshman, to speak Latin, but the boy persisted in making his replies in Italian. “But why do you not reply in Latin T Is it not your mother tongue?" "Dear father, when I am able to choose between the mother and the daughter I, as a rule, choose the daughter." —Bulletin of Italian Society. Man of Ability. “So you want a job? What have you been trained to do?” “Dig ditches, keep accounts, drive a horse and automobile, handle money, carpentry, telegraphy, machinist, superintend construction- ” “Oh, efficiency expert, huh?” “No, ex-private.” —~ “Hired.” —Home Sector. Experienced. “The court scene in this play is the last word in realism.” “The spectators are supernumera* ries, though.” “Perhaps, but they are professional spectators. I understand they were drafted from a local courtroom where a breach of promise suit was being tried.” His Sacrifice. He hated having his photograph taken, but'his wife, Indirectly, had forced him to undergo the much dreaded or* deal. When she saw the photograph she cried out in horror, “Oh, George; you have only one button on your coat!” He—Thank heaven, you’ve noticed it at last. That’s why I had the photograph taken! —London Tit-Bits.

—not so foolish. "Jack is telling around that you are worth your weight in gold." “Foolish boyl Who’s he telling JUt to?" "His creditors." - • Big Contract. The minds of statesmen must expand In a most wondrous way. Each is supposed to understand What all the others say! —Washington Evening Star. * Maybe So. “The man always starts by telling the girl that he Is absolutely unworthy of her.” “Well?” “Most marriages start out all right. And maybe if he stuck to that theory more marriages would turn out better.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. It Bore Fruit. De Style — Old Mrs. Passay had a young Interstitial gland put in and now she looks like a peach. __ Gunbusta —You mean an ape-ricot.— Cartoons Magazine. i A Different Thing. “Let me give you a pointer.” “Oh, I hate good advice.” * “But this pointer Isn’t advice ; It’s a dog.” ■ . A Paradox. “The dyer over the way has a queer sort of business.” s "How is thatT* "He Is dyeing to make a living.” — 1 Its Advantages. 3s this good music?” “It ought to be. It has never been played on anything but an upright piano.” ... ■i.' ... ’ 1,1 *i 1 . " ,il . |l "■ *. The Poor Bird. ' Wtfey—You have not said a word about the bird on my new hat. Hubby—l have not seen the bill yet. —Cartoons Magazine. Taking a Chance. “I want a pound of butter.” “The best?” “What was the last I had?” “The best.” “Give rhe a pound of the other."— Tyrihans, Christiania. Retort Matrimonial. She — You can’t accuse me of ever helping, yen to make a foot of yourself. ' i. ' * : He—l don’t know about that You said yea when I asked you to marry inst, 4 - -? - r , v