Evening Republican, Volume 23, Number 113, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 May 1920 — SCRAPS of HUMOR [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SCRAPS of HUMOR

COULDN’T BE HAPPY. “Your wife says she is entirelyt happy,” said the spiritualistic medium. “I don’t see how that can be,” ro-t plied the man. “She is in heaven,” replied themedium. “There she would naturally be happy.” . “I don’t think so,” replied the mam stubbornly. “I don’t see how she could ever be entirely happy without met being around to find fault with.” Before Starting Work. “Well, come down to the shop tomorrow morning and I will put you to work.” “To-morrow? I couldn’t possibly come until theday„afteL”— “Why?” “Why, tomorrow I must take part in the great demonstration of protest of the unemployed.” —Life.

' ' IN DANGER. “Do you believe that kissing transmits microbes ?” “No, but if my fiancee doesn’t quit fondling that dog I expect to get fleas.” Manner of Expression. The diplomat plays tit for tat. Emotion he conceals. The more polite he seems to write The angrier he feels. The Formalities. —“Obscurity has some slight advan* tages;” 1 “For instance?” “So long as a man remains Inconspicuous he doesn’t have to bother about composing a letter of resignation. He can simply quit and look for another job.” For Art’s Sake. “Ah, this is a Rembrandt, Helen “Isn’t it wonderful! What is that one?” “That is a Rubens!” “How perfectly marvelous! Were they both painted by the same man?” — Cartoons. A Handicap Race. j The Sire—You loaf too much. If > you hustle prosperity will be sure to, follow. * , The Son —But I don’t want prosA perity trailin’ after me all the tlme.i I’m givln’ it a chance to catch up. ; ... ' .A-Movie Star. “Register indignation.” “I can’t” “Your salary is reduced a thousand a week. Now can you register indignation?”

THE TOILER. She—<Does a farmer have to work I hard? * ■ He Yes. But not as hard as the 1 average person who has to buy what us farmers raise. - Something He Didn’t Have. He is a millionaire and yet , Today I can recall with glee. He wished to light a cigarette And had to beg a match from ma T Abrasive knee-Work. Hewitt—He wouldn’t rent you, the flat, eh? Jewett —No; he said that I was so bowlegged that I would be continually rubbing the paper off the walls. Going Her One Better. “Jack Gribble has invited me to take a ride in his airplane;” said Miss Blobbs, gayly. “Indeed?” replied Miss Bllbbs, In her coldest manner. “I have been invited to cruise with a party of friends . for 90 days in a dirigible.” Letting Him Down Easy. . “Bill is lazy, tent heT* “Well, I wouldn’t say that exactly* He just seems to have the Impression that work is patented and he’d getlntn trouble if he used it.”