Evening Republican, Volume 23, Number 107, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 May 1920 — CURRENT WIT and HUMOR [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

CURRENT WIT and HUMOR

A young couple were occupying the porch swing later than usual one moonlight night. From a near-by window her mother Inquired: “Mary, what are, you doing up so late?” “Looking at the beautiful moon mother.” “Well, it’s twelve o’clock. You had better send the moon home.” —Everybody’s Magazine. Something to Fall Back On. “Bilfur says he is having a hard time beeping a roof over his head.” “I don’t sympathize with him. If he’s in such straits, why doesn’t he give up his automobile.” J “He says he can’t think of doing that. And, besides if the worst comes to the worst, it’s comforting to know that his automobile has a top.” An Imported Article. “The possession of a motor is not necessarily a mark of distinction.” “Not nowadays,” replied Miss Snip-, pers, “but if you happen to own a motor car that is driven by a chauffeur who speaks English with great difficulty, you may hold up your head a trifle in some circles.” Cannibalistic. “My dear, listen to this,” exclaimed the elderly English lady to her husband on her first visit to the states. She held the hotel menu almost at arm’s length and spoke in a tone of horror: “Baked Indian puddihg! Can it be possible in a civilized country?”

NOT VERY. "My John Is thinking of chartering a yacht for the summer.” “Won’t that be pretty expensive?" “Not so long -as we confine ourselves to thinking about it.” Flies for Its Life. "Strange how time flies,” how very oft We hear this said —and still It Isn’t so strange; if time did not. More folks would try to kill it. Old Friends. “Grandpop says he cares only for the things of long ago.” “Yes, I see he subscribes to a smart magazine.” “That’s for,the sake of the. jokes.” Good Way. “How did"you get your parrot to talk so fluently?”, “I hung his cage in the room where my wife’s club meets.” Taking No Chances. Mrs. A.—l really believe she had her second husband selected before she was divorced from the first one. Mrs. B. —Certainly. Why else should she get a divorce? When It Pays to Be Ignorant “Gabbells seems to be well informed on any subject.” “Except when he will be able to pay me what he owes me. He is absolutely stupid on that point.” •»- • — The Same Thing. “I say, Tom, these here Frenchles call a gal’s feller her finance.” “Aw, well, ain’t dat what It comes tor Accounting for HL “He showed his grit when he waa hurled out of the machine.” "No wonder; he had to bite the dust”. Two Views. “No, I never visit the pawnshop. I don’t like the principle of the thing.'* "It’s the interest that I don’t like.” Escaping His Wife's Tongue. Mr. Bjones—lt must be rather frying fm a talkative woman like Mrs. Gabblees to be married to a man as deaf as Mr. Gabblees.” Mrs BJones—So it is. And, to make matters worse, she has a lurking suspicion that he lost his hearing just to spite her.—London Answers. " Nothing Like That . ZZ * “Did those two men have an epto tolary dispute?" “No pistols in the dispute at a* They took ft out in letter-writing." *2 > ■ '"ft;;

Eclipse for the Moon.