Evening Republican, Volume 23, Number 100, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 April 1920 — SCRAPS of HUMOR [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SCRAPS of HUMOR

A SUSPICIOUS NATURE. “Gopher Jim says he wants Jis to come around to his house and have a nice little poker party. He’s goln’ to have sandwiches and everything.” “Who’s goln’ to furnish the cards?” asked Three-Finger Sam. “The host, of course.” “Lemme tell If Gopher Jim has time to go over them packs <P cards before the game starts heJdn well afford to make it a banquet” *

TOUGH VARIETY. Butcher —Well, madam, what kind of steak do you, want, porterhouse T Mrs, • Hasher — Porterhouse? I should say not 1 want boardin* house steak, j ■ -r- * The Custom. This” fact strikes me funny. _ I daily discern itT We all want more money. But don’t want to earn It Editorial Courtesy. "I desire no remuneration for this poem,” remarked the long-haired poet, as he drifted into the editorial sanctum. “I merely submit It as a compliment” “Then, my dear fellow, permit me to return the compliment,” replied the editor? with true journalistic courtesy. —London Tit-Bits.

Cigarettes Not So Bad. M—You see that fine house? A man built that with the money he-saved on cigarettes. ’ N—He must have been a terrific smoker before he broke himself of the habit. * । M—He didn’t stop. He’s a cigarette manufacturer. —London Answers. Already Convinced. “Do you believe In ghosts?” asked the man who resented all superstition. “No, suh,” answered Mr. Erastus Pinkey. “An’ all I’s hopin’ is dat dem ghos’es will lemme stay dat way ’stld o’ cornin’ aroun’ tryin’ to convince me."

The Reason. “You couldn’t tell that woman a secret.” . “Why not?” "Because the minute you tell her it ceases to be one.” A Proviso. “Do you know I am very anxious to be in your, good books.” “That’s all right as long as t one of them Is not my pocketbook.”

THE BETTER WAY. "Do you tell bedtime stories at your house?" ' ~ “I used to until my wife got next to me. Now I either get home in good season or say nothing about it** ?The Only Free Transportation. The elevator num doth make _ Amends for certain cares; A good, long ride he lets us take And never asks tor fares. Too High. ’ “What's a bull market in foodstuffs, par j' v■ “It is a market, my son, where it to Atossup if you've got money enough to buy any.” His Way. . . "That executor is very energetic In carrying, out the provisions of the ♦estator." * “He certainly does seem in,, mom' ways than one to be working with a will.” - A Desirable Helpmeet, you, old Grace is a clever girl. She’s brains enough for two.' ;I' Jade—Then she’S the very girl ng ™&