Evening Republican, Volume 23, Number 95, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 April 1920 — A FEW LITTLE SMILES [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

A FEW LITTLE SMILES

“Ah,” said Mr. Oldboys, thoughtfully, “no one can say that my brother, Tom, has not advanced. He began at the foot, but he Ims worked up to the head in a very short time.” “How’s that?” asked his friend. “Well, he was a chiropodist at first, but he gave it up in a few months and became a barber. I get off here. Good morning.”’—London Tit-Bits. Mushrooms Were Free. Intending Guest —This room seems .very damp. There’s mildew everywhere. Landlady—rm very glad you noticed it, sir. I was about to say that we don’t charge for the mushrooms you will be able to pick here every morning for your breakfast. —London Tit-Bits. Metaphor* Mixed. “The old circus keeper told me his lion Brutus was the flower of the flnrk.” -- ■ . ■——— “I guess he meant Brutus was a dandy lion.” Accounted For. “Those two families seem to know a great deal about one another. Are they in any way connected?” “Oh, yes. Their cooks are first cousins.” Explained. “How is it I have such big telegraph bills?” “You told me, sir, to use dispatch in that correspondence, so I wired all the letters.”

“Did your son graduate with honors?" “No. He had good marks in all his studies, but he won no medals or letters or sweaters for athletic or oratorical ability."

The Arbitrary Intellect. The man who thinks he knows It all Makes life seem rather slow. Convincing you that, after all. There can’t be much to know. Voronoff Note. Browne —Miss Deane keeps her age remarkably well. Towne —Why shouldn’t she? She never gives It away.—Cartoons Magazine. When She Is Amiable. "His wife seems to he a very amiable person.” “Shucks, the other fellow’s wife always seems amiable.” Not So Inexpensive. “Talk is cheap,” remarked the readymade philosopher. “The man who said that,” replied Senator Sorghum, “never figured on the expenses of a diplomatic mission.” A Hot One. He —The woman I marry must know at least as much as I do. She —You are certainly very modest in your requirements.

\ i Those Girls. "Maud reminds me of y a public office.” “Why so?” “She’s continually seeking the man.” Its Extent. "It is of no use whatever borrowing trouble.” "Yet that is a loan which Is always oversubscribed.” Sad Prospect. "Do the doctors give your friends wny hope for their rich unde?” "Not a particle. They say he may live for years.” ~ Simplicity Itself. The mother was listening to stories of army life being told by her returned hero. ‘ \ “How in the world did you ever learn to police company streets?” she asked. "Easy enough * was the answer. “I just picked up things as I went along.” —The Home Sector. , -.- L . . _ Very Much So. "Do you always receive a warm web come when you go home?” "Naturally, when I always got lots hot water there.” *. . ■, -

RISING IN THE WORLD.

ALL HE WAS.