Evening Republican, Volume 23, Number 83, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 April 1920 — A UTTLE BIT HUMOROUS [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

A UTTLE BIT HUMOROUS

ASKING ALMOST TOO MUCH. “And so you are not married yet?” “No.” “Engaged?” “No.” “What’s the matter?” “Well, papa says that my husband must be a keen and experienced man, of good health and good habits; mamma says that he must be frugal, Industrious and attentive; and I say he must be handsome, dashing, talented and rich. We are still looking for him!” —Stray Stories.

DRY CLEANED. “I never see the cat washing her face any more.” "That cat is progressive. She ■trolls around in front of the vacuum cleaw whenever I have it in use.” The Other Fellow. I like the other fellow. He’s good to have along; For I can always put the blame * ✓ On him when things go wrong. Making Money Now. “Is Scribson still doing literary work?” “Oh, no. Scribson has given up his dreams of fame and decided to let posterity take care of itself while he earns a living for his family.” “Sensible decision. Is he selling automobiles?” ' “No. He’s writing popular Action for the magazines.” A Correction. The Judge— I understand that you frequently said that robbing a trust fund was the last thing you would do. The Culprit—Well, what if I did say so? The Judge—You were wrong. You are now going to do from one to ten years. Wild Speculation. “Ever dabble in the market?” “Well, the other day I got a hot tip that potatoes were due for a rise, and I managed to buy three pecks and a quart before they jumped.” A Guarded Treasure. Mrs. Naylor—Has your mother got a good girl now, dear? Little Miss de Flatte—l desso. Muvver won’t let her clean the front windows. She’s ’fraid she’ll fall out. ;: ——— Dislike Argues Acquaintance. “Were you ever engaged, Edith?” “You know I hate the men.” “That’s what makes me think you must have been engaged.” Truth. “Did she tell you the truth when you asked her how old she was?” 4. “Oh, yes.” : 1.. . ..v_. “What did she say?” “That it was none of my business.” —Yale Record.

LATER VARIATION. He —Sentimental people used to «ti>y the language of flowers.—Yea, but you can’t blame us, under the circumstances if we , the language of cabbages and tomatoes. • . " • - h * '* Dividing Line. It’s hard, as men their efforts bend To join the crowd that wins. To tell where statesmanship must end And politics begins.. His Regular Fee. Young Man —I should like to ask your advice, sir, as to whether you think youn/daughter would make me a suitable wife. Lawyer —No; I don’t think she would. Ten dollars, please. —— — - m JT-_ I*, ’Sw y. j / Not unnwuco. "Of course, you have heard the still, snail voice of conscience r “Yes,” replied Mr. Dustin Stax. "It frequently makes such an impression that I am compelled to hire a lawyer to give it an argument” ' •