Evening Republican, Volume 23, Number 66, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 March 1920 — CIGARETTES DID THIS [ARTICLE]

CIGARETTES DID THIS

(By the Keeper of Nut Hollow), gee I’m not going to stay in here another minute a nice morning like this I told the man and he said what is the matter now and I said well you get to do all the running I around and I don’t get to swallow a bit of this nice spring atmosphere ! and he said well go on out and j swallow all of it you want to I get ! tired looking at you for don’t you i look like the wallpaper or somei thing so I said thanks and he said where would you go if you went Out and I said well .1 might go down and watch the river rise up or watch dry cleaner run his pressing outfit or something exciting like that and he said well all right just so long as you dont get in anybodys road so I went down the street and went into the newsdealers store and asked him did he have any late papers and he said yes that they were always late when they arrived on the Monon but that 'he could give me a Sunday edition and I said that would be all right as it would be news to me and he said I looked it and I asked him did he know anything exciting and he said no that he wished a fire or something would happen because what' was the use of being the fire chief if there wasn’t never any fires and I couldnt see either only the honor of the thing and he said honor ell I don’t never get nothing but abuse and the citizenry don’t appreciate what I do for them and I said never mind I was in the same fix and look at Fulton and Lincoln and all those fellows and then look at the notoriety he was ! getting when ever there was a fire and he says yes all the paper ever says is if it wasnt for the water there wouldn’t have been any damage and I said well that’s something and he dismissed me and I felt so cheerful that I decided to go down and see the undertaker and found him with his chin in his hands and I said well real cheerful like how’s business and laughed out loud at my own wit because that is always such a clever thing to ask a undertaker and he said there is an awful lot of it and I said then why are you so sad and he said because I am all tired ’ out and haven’t any time to myself for diversion and I said well haven’t you got no aides and he yes only they are never around and I said do you pay them and he said yes but he didn’t know what for and I told him he was SO cheerful that he ought to go down and talk to the newjwlealer and he said he would only he waan t fooling that lightheaded and I asked him did he beKeve in prohibition and he said no because his and he said no because his wHe couldn’t have nb enjoyment at the sew club any longer because there wasn’t any scandal to talk about since W. J. Bryan had his way and the tears scampered down has week as I turned away with anguish in my heart as I thought of the tor-

rible injustice that was being done ladykind and the sun slunk behind a convenient cloud as I again placed myself beneath the vision of the haughty managing ed heartsick and despondent at the meager supply of happiness in the world on such a bright morning. (Ed’s Note: Balmy weather brought this gushing forth.)