Evening Republican, Volume 23, Number 63, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 March 1920 — ON THE FUNNY SIDE [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

ON THE FUNNY SIDE

Uncertain. “Well, Mr. Pedagogue, does my boy show any special aptitude for work?* asked the proud father. “I think so, Mr. Bronson,” answered the schoolmaster. “I am not certain as yet whether John will make a sculptor or a baseball player. He is unerring in his aim with paper wads, but the condition of his desk top convinces me that he can carve with considerable facility.”

Still Hopeful. “My boy,” said Mr. Grabcoin, *Tm going to pay your poker .debts, but this Is positively the last time.” “Thank you, dad. Something tells me I won’t have to trouble you that way any more.” “Good I Then you are going to quit “Wen, not exactly, dad. I have a hunch that my luck is going to change.”

Plainly a Personage. “I don’t know who that solemn guy over there is, but I’ll betcha he’s somebody Important,” whispered Heloise of the rapid-fire restaurant , “What makes you think so?” returned Claudine of the same establishment “He never says anything about it does he?” “No; but my gosh, he can actually look dlgniaed while eating spaghetti!” Competent at Last “How long has this reporter been on the staff?” “Oh, long enough to become really usqful as a news gatherer.” “What do you mean?” “He has passed through the period of aspiring to write the ‘Great American Novel,’ or the ‘Great American Play* and Is now able to concentrate his mind on a police court item.”

"Boil my egg three minutes." " 'Scuse me. . Dat aig is jes’ out o» cold storage an* three minutes won’t much more dan jes’ thaw it,**Friendly Bill. The man I like Is,Bill McGuire; He stops'hnid helps * . Me change a tire. Fairly 80. "Did you follow the diet I advised?” “Yes, doctor.” "Religiously?” “Why, tolerably so. I said grace about three times out of five, I should guess.” No Facilities. “Rather a husky looking individual." “Yes. That’s Prof. Sampson Grapleigh. He gives physical culture lessons by mail.” “I see, a correspondence school. But suppose one of his clients applied for instruction in person?” “The professor would be In a most embarrassing predicament. He might have to hire a gymnasium.” Through With Honesty. ‘Tm never going to return a lost article to any one again,” said a Kansas City man the other day. “Why?" he was asked/ “Well, this fellow advertised a reward for the return of his dog, and no questions asked. And then when I took the dog and went up and rang the bell his wife answered the door.” Not Qualified for Qolf. “Win you come and make a four at bridge, sir?” •Tm exceedingly sorry, sir, but I don’t play bridge.” ' “You don’t play bridge,' l sir? Then what the devil did you join a golf club for?” —The Tattler. How We Need One! ' Tve an invention at last that win mean a fortune!” , “Whit Is it this time?” ? ■ “Why, it’S an extra key for a typewriter. When you don’t know how to ■pell a word, you hit toe key and It makes a blur that might be an e, an a, or most anything else.” ' A Painful Matter. ’ “Pat, It’s lookin’ seedy ye are A shave wouldn’t hurt you a hit.” .“Faith, Moike, if yez could see ns sazor yes wouldn’t say that." w —r. T’v -w «

GIVE IT TIME.