Evening Republican, Volume 23, Number 61, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 March 1920 — CAP and BELLS [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

CAP and BELLS

TOO MUCH COLOR.

“Your narrative It too highly colored,” remarked the editor, returning the bulky manuscript. “In what way?” Inquired the disappointed author. “Why,” replied the editor, “In the very first, chapter you make the old man turn purple with rage, the villain turn green with envy, the hero turn white with anger, the heroine turn red with confusion, and the coachman turn blue with the cold.” —London Tit-Bits.

ONWARD AND UPWARDS.

"What has become of the man who used to rock the boat?” "He has progressed with the times. He is not satisfied now unfess he is mussing up the equilibrium of an aeroplane.” . Eating or Sleeping. A man is often like a horse, We’v.e heard some people say; But surely both are happy when It's time to hit the hay. Considerateness Considered. “Have •! not been a considerate wife?” she asked, reproachfully. “Considerate I” he exclaimed “In what way?” “Has there ever been a night when you were out late that I haven’t left the light burning for you?” “And you call that being considerate? You have—but who pays the bills?” The Big Audience. “Haven't you time to go home and make a few speeches?” “Yes,” replied Senator Sorghum. “What I’m in doubt about is whether ril have time to listen to all the speeches they’re getting ready to make to me.” Painful Topic. ‘Tm afraid Miss Sereleaf did not enjoy the party.” “Indeed?” “An old friend of hers was cmong the guests, a lady who has three grown children. She kept referring to the time when she and Miss Sereleaf were girls together.” Disadvantages. “Here’s a tribe in Africa, this article says, where the women have to speak a different language from their husbands.” “That’s all right when they ask their husband’s for money, but how about It when their husbands want to tell them to hold their tongues?” Sidetracked Into Prominence. “How did you come to be leader of the village choir? You never could sing on the key.” , “That’s the reason. They made me leader so that I wouldn’t have any excuse for trying to sing.”

A VERY PRESENT HELP. "It’s -when a man Is in trouble -ha realises the value of a wife." “Sure! He can put all hi* property In her name." .Something Cheap. The price of everything's so dear— It makes one almost weep; But one thing still remains the same— That’s talk—as usual—cheap! One Better. Manager—This magnet will draw three pounds of Iron ftom % distance of ten feet > Rube —That** not much. I know something that draws me every Sun-?’ day over three miles of plowed fields, and I weigh 125 pounds. Playing to a Crowd. 1 •Two la company; three is atcrowd." -J like that adage." declared YorickHam. -It has frequently made me feel better when estimating the slae - - . ..