Evening Republican, Volume 22, Number 292, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 December 1919 — REPRESENTATIVE WOOD SOLVES COAL PROBLEM. [ARTICLE]

REPRESENTATIVE WOOD SOLVES COAL PROBLEM.

As soon as this leaks out Representative W. L. Wood will find himself on the primrose path to fame and success, all because of a bit of philosophy which he welded together during an idle moment Thursday. Mr. Wood has solved the problem of putting the coal miners back into the mines! Here’s the way he did it: “Got any coal?” he interrogated us. “Nope,” we slipped him. “Why?” he asked. “Because the miners have quit making rt.” “And why have they quit making it?” was his next query. “Because they belong to the union and, unions don’t work, and when they don’t work there can’t be any coal can there?” “Well, what makes the unions?” came next. “The monthly jackpot Mr. Lewis collects, we suppose.” “You have it. Now, how does Mr. Lewis collect that jackpot?” he asked. “How should we know, we ain’t never been a coal miner,” we told him. “Well, then,” he says, “I’ll tell ypu. It’s like this. The miners won’t, have any pay checks coming this month, so Mr. Lewis will be unable to extract the dues from their checks, isn’t that correct?” We admitted that it was. “All right, then,” he continued, “how many of these gold diggers will go down into their pockets and come up with their dues when they aren’t working and have no prospects of work soon?” “Very few,” w*e permitted to slip through our lips. “That’s settled,” said the philosopher. “In union there is no strength where money is lacking—no money, no union—no unions, no strikes—no strikes, no cqal shortage,” was his parting knockout, as he beamed at us triumphantly. And his sound sensible logic seemed so easy and simple that we felt sort of foolish for not having thought it out for ourselves, and slunk deeper in our chair as we wilted beneath his steady gaze—mortified and not at all composed, but ever secure in our belief that such men as he should above all others be returned to the next session of the legislature.