Evening Republican, Volume 22, Number 291, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 December 1919 — SOME SMILES [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SOME SMILES

Don't Blame the Boy. < The Teacher —Your son needs correction. He hasn’t solved any of his arithmetic problems for three days. Mrs. Newgilt—lt ain’t bls fault. His computing machine broke down and his pa had to send It out to have It fixed. Cause for a Grouch.

“That woman seems soured on life.” “Yes, she married once for love and once for money.” “Well?” “And didn’t get either.” *•

Two of a Kind. “A scientist, eh?" “Yes." < . • “What’s his specialty?” “He’s trying to find a substitute for gasoline.” \ “I have an eccentric friend he ought to meet.” . “What is your friend working on?** “Perpetual motion.” Beating Father Time. Music Teacher—Why, madame, do you always bring ragtime swift music? Why not a quiet number; something soothing? V Pupil—Your are too expensive. -I can’t afford to play to slow music. *

Interdependences.

“Does stomach trouble affect the mind?” “U n q u estionably. I know a man who has worried himself sick thinking about the cost of everything eats.”"

t ’ Marked for Future Reference. “Willie, I hear you’ve been fighting with one of those boys next door and have given him a black eye.” 4 “Yes’m. You see, they’s twins, and I wanted some way to tell them apart.’*' I Born Tired. “What do you think is your natural vocation, Reggie?" "Haven’t any, deah boy. What I was born with is a natural vacation.’*! In Washington. “Wife, I’ve failed of re-election and; we must return home.” “Impossible, senator." “Eh?” “I owe more than 400 calls." * “No matter. You can safely ’em off now."