Evening Republican, Volume 22, Number 207, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 August 1919 — SCRAPS of HUMOR [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SCRAPS of HUMOR

Self-Made Music. “Do you think our oratorical friend was sincere when he asked the crowd not to interrupt him by demonstrattions of approval?” “Yes,” replied Senator Sorghum; “there are men who would rather listen to their own voice than to applause.” No More Games. “The honeymoon is over.” “Are you quite sure of that?" “Yes. She no longer hides when she hears hubby insert his latch key in the front door because she knows he wouldn’t hunt for her if she did.” Wed and Won. Wunce —He lost all he had in Wall street, but later he married a widow with three million dollars. Twyce —i S ee. Lost on the stocks but won on the bonds. —-The Lamb. , More to the Point. Evelyn —My father made his fortune when he was quite a young man. Would you like to know how he did it? Edward —Not especially; but I would like to know if he still has it. In the Affirmative. “Did you propose to her on your knees?' asked Smith. “Yes,” replied Brown. “That’s where she was sitting when I proposed to her.” —London Answers.

CARELESS. Hubby: I dreamed I had uncounted gold. Wifey: That’s just like you. You never even take the trouble to count your change.

Conflicting Opinions. • The world’s a fleeting show. We’re glad That we are here to see. On whether it is good or bad The critics disagree. Land of the Midnight Sun. One-Eye Jake —“Does the sun ever set in the east, Pete?” Pete. —“i don’t know, Jake, I ain’t been further east nor Denver.” — Widow. Its Status. “He says he could have worked out a fine idea with a little capital, but he* was pinched by poverty.” “I see; a case of arrested development." . 7 The Drawback. “It is a wonder Henry made good as a photographer.” “Why so?” ; - “It is such a negative sort of- a business.” Unusual. “It’s an unusual case.” “In what way?” “His wife even likes his business friends.” ’ Opinions. “Every man has a right to his own opinion.” “And yet.” mused the policeman, “I once helped pick up the scattered remains of a man who entertained the opinion that he was justified in leaving dynamite on people’s doorsteps.”

The Test “I see you-have been retained in that murder case as ah insanity expert. How are you going to determine the degree of irresponsibility of your client?” “By the size of the fee I get out of him." That’s Different. Harduppe—Will you settle a bet for me? — — Goodthyng—Gladly. What is it? Harduppe—-Ten dollars I lost to Flubdub. —Judge.

Taken With Salt. Oswald —My love for you is like the deep blue sea— Clarissa: —And I take it with the corresponding amount of salt. —London Answers. Husband Who Is Handicapped. “L imagine, from wha t Mrs. Robinson says about her husband, that he is having trouble supporting her.” “What does she say?” > “She is continually referring to him as a man with such a brilliant mind.” —Judge. Revenge. “Pa, what is revenge?” / “Revenge, my boy, is the art of making a disgrace of yourself just because somebody else has been, unfair to you.”