Evening Republican, Volume 22, Number 137, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 June 1919 — WISE GUY, PARLIN [ARTICLE]

WISE GUY, PARLIN

Knew Just What to Do With That Little Book. Recital of Tragedy In the Gibbs Homo. r stead Decided His Course of Action Without Necessity of Long Thinking. “I heard that Mrs. Gibbs is going to leave home,” was the spicy bit of gossip with which Mrs. Barlin met her husband after he had parked his little motor car in the back yard. “No!" gasped Parlin, dramatically. “Yes!” came back his wife. “Until Gibbs gets the house decorated —which will be about a year from now, at the speed he is traveling on the job. And 1 don’t blame Mrs. Gibbs. If you attempted to do what Gibbs Is doing I’d leave for mother’s for an indefinite period. “The Gibbs family always called in expert decorators to do their work until this year. Now Gibbs Is suffering from an attack of economy, and he figures he could do the work himself and put the saving into Victory bonds, or spare parts for his car. “He bought a book called ‘How to Do Your Own Housecleaning.’ for ten cents, and began to memorize the thing. The book was so full of statistics and specifications that he soon became addle brained trying to figure it out. “One chapter was devoted to painting. It explained minutely how one could figure out the surface of the walls andby multiplying the dimensions by something or other find out exactly how much paint would be needed for the job.

“Gibbs figured out that it would take 55 gallons of various colors to do the work. He ordered up a wagon load of paint and began. “When Gibbs got through painting he found that he had 37 gallons still untouched. But as he had opened all the cans as soon as he got them, he could not return them to the paint man in exchange for anything else. “Gibbs lost a tidy sum on the paint job, and even more on his wall papering. He ordered enough paper to cover the side of a warehouse, and when he got through papering his living and dining rooms he had them matched all wrong and the 88 rolls left over were in tatters. He mixed 23 gallons of paste, basing his figure on- the book, and had 19 buckets unused when! he fell off the ladder and broke his shoulder blade.” “So Mrs. Gibbs is going to leave poor Gibbs alone with his broken shoulder?” “She will—unless he changes his mind about finishing the work. If he persists she Is likely to do anything, for she is in a desperate frame of mind.” Parlin reached into an inner pocket and drew forth a little book called “How to Do Your Own Housecfeaning." He tore the book Into small scraps and threw them at the cat. He didn’t look at his wife, for he knew she would understand.