Evening Republican, Volume 22, Number 122, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 May 1919 — SCRAPS of HUMOR [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SCRAPS of HUMOR

Just Think of It. Mrs. Nuwife (in tears)—Oh, Mrs. Gabbalot, I am heartbroken about Clarence. He is so selfish. Mrs. Gabbalot —Surely that can’t be true, dear; I thought he was one of the most generous husbands In the world. Mrs. Nuwife Generous, nothing; the mean thing went and had his own life insured and didn’t have mine. Credit to Both. 5 “They had the same cook for 20 years.” “She deserves distinguished serv* tee medal.” “Quite so. And it wouldn’t be amiss to bestow a decoration of some sort on the family.” , , ' ■ ■ Fortunate Incredulity. Mrs. Casey (with newspaper)— They gave Pat Murphy’a name tn the death notices instead of his brother Mike’s. Casey—Ye don’t say 1 It’s a nice fix Pat would be in if he was wan o’ thlm that belave all they read in the papers.—Boston Transcript. Aroused Willie’s Curiosity. Little Willie —Father, have you had another wife? Father—Good gracious! Whatever makes you ask that? Little Willie—Well, on the first page of this Bible It says you married Anno Domini, 1880. The Way It Sounds. “Gracious, what was that?” asked ma, excitedly, as there came a sound of crashing glass from the pantry where the medicine chest lived. “Oh, that’s only pa,” responded WIL lie, “I heard him say he was going to break up a cold.” ,

VERY APPROPRIATE. Ist Bug: Why the two dollar biHT 2nd Bug: My guests want to lance on the green! Join a Diet Squad. In case you can’t buy tenderloin With your small wad. You’ll find it is good form to join A diet squad. ■ - Wise Hubby. "So your wife has stopped bother*, ing you for an automobile?” „ “Yes; I tipped off a seer she patronizes to warn her against ever riding In one.” _ _ . . : - His Practice. “A photographer ought to make an ideal lover.” ■; “Why so?” "Because he can develop a worn, an’s negative into a positive success.” Hard to Tell. He —Do you think one can learn by correspondence ? She —Depends on-the kind of fellow one corresponds with. Good Job. First Tramp —Wot would youse rather be dan anything? Second Tramp—A tank in a brewery. A Sure Winner. Josh—How did Swift manage to secure the nomination? He has no political influence, has he? Ros h—No; but he’s simply rolling in affluence. Practically Noiseless. MartbiF—Does that noisy Reggy Feather still come to see you? Myrtle—Yes, he still comes, but ha hasn’t made a noise like a proposal y et - Part of the Tree. Howe —The new political party is dividing Its tree. Wise—Yes, I understand they are kicking as to who will take the stump. Smart Boy. "That boy learned a lot of things tn college. He knows things very few others know about.” “Tell me some of them.” “Weil, somebody asked him what caused such unusual heat and hesaid it was due to surplus caloric in the atmosphere.” - To Come. \ “Hasn’t this aviation business many difficulties yet?%, “Oh, yes, bift it won't be long before It will be all air plain sailing." *' . . . ■'*