Evening Republican, Volume 22, Number 71, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 March 1919 — IN ANOTHER KEY [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

IN ANOTHER KEY

A Question. “You must be a woman hater.” “Why?" “You’ve never married.” “Why should a man who has never married be a woman hater?” Wholesome Lesson. “That burglar says he .has more respect for the law than he had.” “What caused It?” “The fees he had to pay his lawyer and his bondsman.” , Wanted to Know. “Pa, w’hat’s kleptomania?” “Why—er—lt means taking something you don’t want.” “Was It kleptomania when I took the measles?” - ■■ The Sad Part. “You may win a beautiful girl with soft nothings.” “Well, well !” “But you can’t whisper that sort of stuff to the butcher.”

DISCOURAGING.

Charles —What was the reason you quit the club? Arthur —Reason enough! By the time I had worked three years to be elected treasurer and finally got it, they had decided to put in a cash register. Prejudiced. A dog’s a most engaging brute. He has a heart that’s true and warm; But when the kind the dames call "cute” We almost wish to do him harm. Modus Operand!. "I met your friend Spongely this morning.” c “How did he strike you?” “Said he’d left his change at home in his other trousers.” Her Preference. He —Couldn’t you find It agreeable to knit closer the ties of friendship between us? She—Couldn’t do It I’m tpo busy knitting socks. Too Small. Tess —Why does Flossie look so mad? Bess —A Johnny gave her a diamond garter and It’s too small to go round her waist. —Purple Cow.

SHAKESPEARE.

De Actor —A horse —a horse! Me kingdom for a hor-r-rse! . Gallery God—Machine broke down again?

Very Comforting. "If money is really vocal. Then, by George!’’ said Harold Hupp. "It’s an optimistic talker. For it cheers a fellow up.” ■ Tee Hee. ■ "Say, you know a troupe of these trained fleas ain’t a bad stunt,” said the facetious feller. "Whadya mean, ain’t a bad stunt?” asked his friend, the stage carpenter. “Why, look how handy they are making these long jumps.” The Plain Truth. She—Would you love me any better if I had a million dollars? He—Certainly not. I’d be thinking so much about the million I’d hardljj tWnk of youat all,