Evening Republican, Volume 22, Number 2, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 January 1919 — ON THE FUNNY SIDE [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

ON THE FUNNY SIDE

Again the H. C. i “My income is suffering,” moaned the moving picture star. “Isn’t business good?" “Splendid. But my manager is compelled to spend so much for lunch and lodging I’m afraid he won’t be able to make up my annual million-doliar Increase juf salary." ■' Foresight. “I understand dat de gemman you’s gineter marry is a cook." "Yes,” replied Miss Miami Blown. “I picked him out. t>e rule <’f dat happy homq, is ginter be, ‘Any gemunan dat find fault wif de cookin’ kin do de cookin’ hisself.’” A Lonely Life. “Flubdub always seems so lonesome.” "Why, he married a fashionable beauty.” “Yes, lie married her; but he has never succeeded in getting into the set she belongs to.” ' i ______ When They Lean Over the Rail. “I see by the papers that aviators frequently stiffer from a malady very like seasickness, due to the pitching of the plane.” “H-nl. That’s going to be mighty unpleasant for us pedestrians below.” 'r— 5 ; ' The Arts. “Of course, you admit the necessity of using alcohol in the artg.” "Yes,” replied Unde Bill Bottletop; “and just between ourselves 1 regard mixTni a drink as an art.” Catty. Belle—George thinks I’m easy to please. Nell —No wonder, after so many of us had turned him down. VERY LIKELY.

First Congressman —He wants to be considered a giant in debatb. Second Congressman—l reckon that’s vvhy he uses such blamed long words.

A Race. There seems but little to be praised In fortune’s strange devices. For every time your pay Is raised There comes a jump in prices. « Liked to Have Seen It. The Gossipy One —Say, old man, they tell me your wife was run down at the club this afternoon. Thb Long-Suffering One —My goodness! Why wasn’t I there? An Apprentice’s Work. “What in the world makes Cranksmith so peculiar?” ‘*Oh, some yeai-s ago he flew all to pieces over something and the doctor put him together wrong."—Judge. “\ Alienation. i “I hear that Mr. Young Husband has gone back on his mother-in-law.” “Yep, that’s because his wife went back to her,” I I T * Sense of GupeOority. *Hs Bligglns patriotic?” “Yes, but egotistic as usual. He la inclined to assume that nobody else can be as patriotic ns he is.” ' Goes Without Saying. Artist—Sir. I will make you a speaking likeness of your wife. Patron —It wouldn’t be a likeness if you didn’t. i Quite So. a.... Fat Man (after squeezing through) —Confound it I The turnstile is a relic of the dark ages. . " Gateman (smiling)—But you can’t •leny. old top, that It’s one- of "the things that really count 1 ' - - 4 -- The Goose Step. Flatbush—What new step was thot you were trying last night? ii.-':,;..... Mr. Flatbush—That's the goose step. Didn’t you know it» Mrs. Flatbush—l never saw a goose fio It before. '

Mutual Suspicion.

Mistress —“Why thd you leave your list place?” Applicant—“ Why did your last cook leave bers?”

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Resourceful Landlord.

“By what stretch of the imagination can you call this a bachelor apartment?” “Why, it’s a single room, isn’t It"— Buffalo Express.

Might Finish Him.

“Shall I tell cook you have her down in your will ?” “No; the cooking is bad enough as it is.", ,7 =*“TWsibfca-— —-.T-e" w—nt"‘ - It’s pretty hard for any man to make a success of a job he doesn’t like to do. Martin’s Ferry, 0., prohibits signs in foreign languages.