Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 303, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 December 1918 — SCRAPS of HUMOR [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SCRAPS of HUMOR

Leading Up to Sentiment. “What is youy favorite poem?” asked the young Bmn. > -- Elegy,’* replied the young woman. . \ “Is it—er—that is to say—do you recite it?” \ “No. I just' said that to fooh you. You thought I was going to mention ’Omar Khayyam’ so that you could lead up to' that ‘book of verse, jug and loaf stanza.* Sure, He Is. « Mrs. Gabbalot—What caused the trouble between the Meekleys? Mrs. Gadabout—His wife called him ft -‘Ti-x ■* " ■»’ *'* “Mrs. Gabbalot—What! Called that poor, mild-mannered little man a beast? -/'r-'P.’;’.'.’■ Mrs. Gadabout—Sure; she meant he was a beast of burden. , * Everybody's Doin' It. “Well, things look pretty favorable for the allies, don’t-you, think so?” asked the well-met feller. “Personally, I do,” responded the cautious citizen, “but t do not like to express myself positively till T get a chance to discuss the situation .with the janitor, the office boy and the stenographer/’ \ A Reformed Slacker. “Which have you been doing?” asked Meandering Mike; “working or fighting?” :“I dunno.” replied Plodding Pete ; “when I fight Tm so busy It’s de same as work an’ when i work I’m so mad dat it seems jes* de same as fightin’." Suspicious. Bess—ls he all right?” - June —He uses wretchedly good grammar for a college man. I don’t believe he* is right. 4 AGREED. ..

Harold—Of course I know that lam totally unworthy of you— Myrtle—rAh! how happy we should be If you and father agreed on all polntsas you do on this one. . The Test Jen thought her face was very fair; Her Ana thought Jennie’s beauty rare. She took- * crowded car one' day— And had to stand up all the way. ' Not Playing. "I understand you have quit playing the stock market.’’ “Never did play It. I merely , supplied some cash and kept books while sbmebody else had all the fun.” " Then Pa Subsided. Stern Father—See here, young man? who do you think Is boss acpund here —you or I? -- r _ The Young Miscreant—S-h-h-h, pa. . Mother Is in the next room. ■ ■ A Good Speech. “Did he make a good speech?” „ “Fine. He admitted he had nothfhg t<f say and then didn’t try to say It.” Sure Proof. He—You are crazy about bargain*. . Did you ever really get a cheap thing! She —Sure I did, when I mar- . ried you. i - The Safest Way. Clerk—Can't I sell you a burglar alarm? Jones—No, thanks! If a bursar calls I prefer to remain asleep. — I —' , - ' • A Strangle Hold. “You know Al Strong, the wrestler ?” - “Yes; what about him?" . -Well, he’s lost the champtynshlp.--You don’t sayr “Yes, his girl threw him down!"— —-CZZ Some Argument. , Irate Parent—You can get rid of ..money faster than any man I know. Son-True, dad; but listen: By get-