Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 287, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 December 1918 — A Galley o' Fun! [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

A Galley o' Fun!

. A SURE THING. • Tto'a light between a Roman and ft Barbarian.” "And does the Roman winT" "Why should he lose? These toys are made to sell in Rome!” TEACHING THE YOUNG IDEA. Mrs. Hogg—Don’t you know what becomes of bad little pigs when they die? Little Pig— What, mamma? Mrs. Hogg—They go to a horrible place where they get thin.

" FATEB. Of the three Fates, Clotho, who spun the thread of life, was for making woman to be worth her weight in gold. But Atropos, the dread, was otherwise minded. “Why,” exclaimed Atropos, “If we make her worth her weight In gold, she probably won't do a blessed thing to reduce her flesh, and she’ll just naturally get io be a sight!” Lachesls, the fearsome third, sided with Atropos, and although Clotho resorted to about all the dilatory tactics then known to parliamentary law, she was finally defeated. IN A LIVERY-STABLE TOWN. A livery stable-town is usually a mile from the station—a mile of dust and mud, goats, chickens, tin cans, barbed wire, old garments; and ancient vehicles. There are three livery stables, a blacksmith-shop, and nine nickel-plat-ed barrooms; a drag and picture-post-card store; and a grocery store, a hardware store, a general store, and a kind off a store. There is a hotel In connection with a livery stable. The livery-stables are most imposing edifices —Mission style, Romanesque, and Gothic. The churches and the hotel seem to be Caslon Old Style. Your room at the hotel is over the bar-room. This keeps you from being lobesome. If you want to take a nap ■0 as to be at your best when you lecture in the evening, there is a youth on the sidewalk below your window whose business it is to keep you awake. He can make more difficult kinds of noises than a menagerie. Some of them are so wonderful and excite so much curiosity that you must climb out of bed to see how he does iL He hails everybody he knows and regales them extensively. When there Is nobody to be regaled he whistles. When Ms tone Is worked out, and he can think of nothing else, he rolls a keg up and down.

In the middle of the night you are awakened by a startling apparation. An old lady Is standing in her nightdress, a lamp In her hand, desperately trying to hang her clothes on Imaginary hooks in the air. For some reason or other she cannot locate the hooks. Yob have given up all Idea of rest, and are ready to be entertained by this latest novelty. i She Is a nice-looking old lady In gold-rimmed specks. Her eyes rest upon yea, lying In bed. “Well, mercy me!" she says, and doses the door. She evidently inadvertently mistook your room Dor a closet. Yon then proceed to sink to sleep’Vith a smile. iHIS OPPORTUNITY. Teller—l heartily indorse the Idea «C the United States Mint coining half-cent pieces. Asklngton—Why sot Teller—Became K will enable Dear in Plnchbrtek to contribute to pub- •. enterprises all hojrants to wtthA risking heartr disease.