Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 279, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 November 1918 — WHAT CAN WE DO? [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

WHAT CAN WE DO?

> Thought Him Safe. Little Tobias had been told, with sundry sound slaps, that be was oh no account to fight. So when ha came in frcyn school one day with, metaphorically speaking, “torn sails and shattered deck,” his fond mother, was riled. "Tobias,” she said, “where, did you get that black eye? Didn’t I tell you gobß little boys never fight?” - “Yes, an’ I believed you, ma,” said Tobias. “I was sure he was a good little boy till I hit him, then I found ha wasn’t.”

"Did the doctor put you on a ■ diet?” - “He didn’t have to—Hoover did * it” True I. W. W.’s. , Moth (triumphantly)—Our family has just finished destroying a SSOO set of furs! Spider—Why the sabotage? Moth—We found the house lighted by electricity. There wasn’t a single unguarded gas-light . wnere we\%lghf singe ourselves to our heart’s content!” —Buffalo Express. ■ ; —i.■— An Aspersion. “Is your college friend a,polyglot?” “Nothing of the sort. He nevertouches a drop of anything but water.” . . V Careless. “Darling,” he said, “I have lost all my money.” “How careless of you,” she replied. "The next thing you know you’ll be losing me.” s - Alas! She —Some people don’t know what’s good for -them In this world. He —And some people do know but 5 haven’t the price to get It. —— ' r Good Excuse. “Why didn’t you answer my. telephone cgll this morning?” “Because while you were calling me up, m& wife was calling me down.” ' * , A Matter of Necessity. “Don’t worry so about the cook’s inipudence. Marla. Don’t fake any notice of her.” . "I have to; she’s-just givfin It-” • *' Wrong Party. Cholly (butting in on a busy day)— ; Old chap, I owe you an apology. Busy Friendt—Pay the cashier, please. I’m too busy to listen. '

Making-JJp. Wise —Nice excuse! Stayed making up the books! ’ . * Hubby—-Well, I don’t kick when you stay late making up your face.—Sydney Bulletin. How Could He Tell? "What was Mrs. Van Zook wearing X” she asked her hpsband* on hie return from the reception. “My dear, that's what was puzzling 'me all evening.”—Life. Liable to Start Any Time. - Professor’s Wise —My husband is, ns usual, In his laboratory conducting chemical experiments. The professor expects to go down to posterity. {From laboratory) Br-r-r! Bang! Caller (startled) —I hope the professor hasn’t gone. - . The Trouble. “I see they have a circus glass eater at the hospital. What is the matter with him?” ' c. “I think he has a pane in his stomach.” «

NO DOCTOR NEEDED.