Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 266, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 November 1918 — A Strange Language [ARTICLE]

A Strange Language

The Argus had taken up the Cause of prohibition violently. Not a man on the staff but wan a taetotalex. Baafl Splivins, the earnest young ownereditor, aaw to that. Tfe* Arena was none the lees a live, an» aggressive newspaper, out for all the news, bust' Ung for crime stories that might have had a foundation la hpnae. ** The night of which this story speaks the paper was about to be put to tied, and BpUVihs and hi# staff were looking forward to their nocturnal carouse over at the dairy lunch, when a man lurched Into tho odKortal room. Ho was bleedinv from a number of wounds and be babbled incoherently. •The man la drank** add Basil In horror, "bat ho must bo tho victim of some horrible crime." • a* attempt was mado to . get his story, but tho words formed by his thick tongue and drooling lips were unintelligible to any oi the staff. "If we only had a drinking man hem he might understand him,” an*

"Boys,” said Basil, "this seems to be an important story that has dropped at our test, as It Were. 1 want your solemn pledges that yot will sever disclose what I ass- about to do this night." Tho pledges were given; with n solemnity that seemed to fill the loom with an odor of sanctity. "Ron out and get me a quart hot tia» — m r««h. "i mart learn this Burnt language." A 4/ Fully KxplalaedL The learned counsel in the greet wIB case literally beamed with joy. Barn was a witness who was everything a witness should be. *1 congratulate you* air." be said* enthusiastically. “Your memory for detail does yon Infinite credit And on behalf of the numerous relatives of the testator who are present in court, I should like to thank yon for tho very flattering, though none the less truthful, description that you have The *The witness gave a very sickly Mill* , “Perhaps you will saderstand better," be said* "when I tall you that I married hie widow!"

Typlenl. > Chart** & Mellon, New England*# noted railroad nan. enee said at n luncheon in Boston: "The way some people talk, yon would think that there were a thousand safety appliances, any one of which applied .to American trains, would abolish accidents and loss of lit* forever. / "Thera is. It Is true, an abundance of safety device* for trains. Thee# we are testing, one hy one, Inst an feet as we can. But very, very few of them prove, on a running train, In do the things they do on paper. "The average safety device. Indeed, recalls the widow who applied for outdoor relief. **Yoon is a and enaei,' said the charity agent. "How dM yon loea year husband, ma'amf* » "•He see killed, sir/ answered the widow, *while testin'a new safety eowmteber for the P. D. R. railroad.*"

Windows Should Be OpenOne evening the good minister to a certain church was sloqnently addressing his congregation on the beauty of leading an upright life when ho suddenly paused, glanced around the building and beckoned to the -Jones,’* sgld he, as the sexton approached the pulpit, “©pern a couple of windows on each side to the church please!” -Beg pardon, dr!" returnee the smton. with a look to surprise. DM I understand you to say *Open the -Yes," was the cold, hard rejoinder to the minister. -It is not healthy to deep with tiie windows shut! 1 *

Ham and Eggs. Husband (testily)—*oh, U-tt-m Id remind me to what toe toDow who got tost to the woods said to hi* "!Kswdl what did ho sayT Husband—-He ‘Now, fiMrO

Hie Kxporieaee. Toast—*Tm tsU the moo In snbject to shout UN kinds to disOrimsoohesk—“Oh, 1 know my wits hue had u good many soars than thutr • ' -*

An Extsmlst. “What to the worid does oU Bosemas want with mors money ? He haunt say near relative*, and bn doesn't begin hts iacoiwe BBB* -That’S tost; Jt JjUrwuQa » —»