Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 241, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 October 1918 — WIT and HUMOR [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

WIT and HUMOR

A Shirker. “How long have you been sitting on the bank of this river?” “About four hours."* “Caught anything?” “Nope.” “Had any bites?” “Not a nibble.” “And you call sport?” “No —strategy. If I were not sitting here, ostensibly to catch some fish for dinner, my wife would have me beating carpets.” Forgot Early Training. “How did Bill happen to be arrested?” “Left his car in the street all night without complying with the biblical Injunction.” “Didn’t know the Bible made any ruling on the subject.” “Oh, yes. It says, ‘Let your shine.’ ”

Painful Suggestion. “My life is insured for $50,000,” said old Crustiboy, proudly. “Have you ever discussed with young Mrs. Crustiboy the possibility of your dying some day?” '“Oh, yes. Quite often.” “Ahem! And while you were discussing that subject did you ever notice a wistful look on her face?” Any King Would Do. “I can trace my descent in a direct line from one of the early kings of England,” she said. “Which one?” he asked. "I don’t recall the name. What kings did England have?” The Horse. “Has the automobile put the horse out of business?” “You wouldn’t think so,” replied Farmer Corntossel, “if you’d notice how much a load of hay Is worth.”

JUST THAT.

Maude—Mrs. Newone never gets asked to any bridge parties. Evelyn—Does she play too well or not well enough. Wowl Little grains of powder, Little dabs of paint Make the girly-girlies Look like what they ain’t. Fortunate Condition. "This man,” said the keeper softly, “imagines he has millions.” “Isn’t that nice?” answered the visitor. “Whenever he needs money all he has to do to draw on his imagination.”

Absurd Idea. "My husband has the queerest ideas of economy.” "Indeed?” . "Why, he actually seems to think I could save money by staying away from bargain sales.” Unappreciated. Client —After you’ve let the case drag along for three years, you’ve lost it for me. Lawyer—That’s all the thanks I get —I might have let it drag along for three years more. ' Her Plan. "Things have got so we shall have to economize,” said Mr. Bighouse. "Well,” replied his wife, “we’ll make the chef call himself cook and reduce his wages.” A Hot One. "My mind to me a kingdom is,” launched out the chap who would rather quote than eat. /. "Oh, well,” soothed the other, “I shouldn’t let that worry me. It’s not in danger of invasion for conquest, at any rate.” Time Limited. Bix—What did your wife say to you when you got home at four o’clock thia morning? Dix (wearily)—Say, old man, Pva got some work to de today.**