Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 216, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 September 1918 — IN ANOTHER KEY [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

IN ANOTHER KEY

Of Little Use to Society. As a rule trimmers are not productive of progress. They live by. what they get out of others, They are so busy thinking up schemes of selfenrichment that they haven’t any brains to spare for constructive programs. Their concern is not to put something on the market but to get something off the market. They live on the efforts of other people. They are to humanity what the mistletoe is to the oak. They are drones of the industrial hive and live oy feeding on others. —Pennsylvania Griu You Have to Soak 'Em. The “guvnor” was giving his sou, with whom being out of a job was fast becoming chronic, a lesson in patriotism. “Have you bought a Liberty bond?" he asked. “No; costs too much!” “Buy a Thrift stamp?” “Thrift stamps? Huh I Too small.” “But they have effie mighty fine habit; my boy—they stick.”—Cartoons Magazine. That's Different Casey—Phwat fur are yes makin’ such a noise on* the planny? Yer drlvln’ me dishtracted wld yer racket, an’ me head achin’ loike it wud split In two pieces. Daughter—Them new neighbors next door has been complainin’ of my playin’. Casey—Begorra, hammer harder. Its Virtue. She —What is your idea of the flower that is typical of women? The queenly and radiant rose? He —No, the morning glory.. She—Why the morning glory? He —Because it knows when to shut up. Ever Think of That, Mr. Golfer? Son (a golf enthusiast) —“You must admit, father, that it requires great, skill to drive a ball a hundred yards—” Old Farmer —"Shucks! It don’t require half as much skill as it does to drive a pig fifty feet.” —Boston Transcript. Might Have Been Worse. “Waiter!" “Yes, sir.” ' ■ ■ “Take away this butterflsh. It is bad.” “But it might be worse, sir.” “I can’t see bow it could be, waiter.* *lt might have been a whale, sir.” ■ . A Simple Device. “Doc, what’s on the other end of this tube with which you supply your famous ozone inhalations?” “It opens into my garden, which contains an unlimited quantity of good fresh air." Cruel, Cruel Sight! The Pacifist’s Child—l’m not going to throw any more crumbs to the sparrows, daddy.” The Pacifist—Why, my dear? “It always causes a bread riot among them!” Point of View. Flatbush —He’s very extravagant Bensonhurst —How do you know? “He sent me a letter and he wrote on both sides of the paper.” “Why. that looks like economy instead of extravagance.” "Not at all. Didn’t he have to use twice as much ink?" Poor Girl. "Where are your love letters?" "I haven’t any,” confessed the heiress. “My lawyers conducted all the correspondence with the duke.” New York Styles. Church —Well, I see the woman hodcarrier has made her appearance in New York City. Gotham —Oh, well, you mustn’t be surprised at anything you find a New York woman ornamenting her shoulders with. Lost No Time. Her Father—When I started out, young man, I didn’t have a dollar,* and now— Her Suitor—Have you—er—got one handy about you, sir?*-Judge. Utility and Decoration. “How did the young man from the East happen to leave Crimson Gulch so suddenly?” “It was all a case of mistaken identity," replied Broncho Bob. “He mistook a bunch of cowboys for dudes because they wore wrist watches.” Shifrp Retort He—Did you know the malls are allowed to carry soft soap? She—l did not know the capacity of males for soft soap had ever been questioned.