Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 212, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 September 1918 — Page 2

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JUDGE DECIDES ' SraMACH REMEW A GREAT SUCCESS iation Board Tries EATONIC, th* Wonderful Stomach Remedy, X and Endorses It Judge William L. ChamJT who uses EATONIC as a remedy for loss of appe- . I Ute and indigestion, Is a ESajSCJ..,. ... J Commissioner of the U. 8. Board of Mediation and Conciliation. It is natural taEm. ,afe..< 1 for him to express himself \MMWBfW in guarded language, yet there is no hesitation In his Bflim/ 1 pronouncement regarding the value of EATON 10. Writing from Washington, ■ D. 0., to the Eatonic RemBBflmßi edy Co., he says. "EATONIC promotes appetite and ' aids digestion. I have used it with beneficial results.” r Office workers and others who sit much ar* martyrs to dyspepsia, belching, bad breath, heartburn, poor appetite, bloat, and impairment of general health. Are you, yourself, a sufferer? EATONIC wiU relieve you just as surely as it has benefited Judge Chambers and thousands of others. . Here’s the secret: EATONIO drives the gas •M of the body—and the Bloat Goes With It! It is guaranteed to bring relief or you get your money back! Costs only a cent or two a day to Me it. Get a box today from your druggist.

Cool Traveling in Egypt. Tanks to hold half a ton of ice and electric fans to circulate the air from them are used to cool the interior of cars on the Egyptian state railways. State of Ohio. City of Toledo, Lucas County— bs. . . , , Frank J. Cheney makes oath that he is senior partner of the firm of F. J. Cheney & Co., doing business in the City of Toledo, County and State aforesaid, and that Slid firm will pay the sum of ONE HUNRED DOLLARS for any case of Catarrh that cannot be cured by the use of HALL’S CATARRH MEDICINE. FRANK J. CHENEY. Sworn to before me and subscribed in my presence, this 6th day of December, A D. 1886. (Seal) A. W. Gleason, Notary Public. HALL’S CATARRH MEDICINE is taken internally and acts through the Blood on the MUcous Surfaces of the System. Druggists, 75c. Testimonials free. . J. Cheney & CO., Toledo, Ohio. But He Didn’t Look the Part. Gen. Sir William Robertson of England, who, despite his complete lack of official “starch,” is a stickler for military etiquette, paused, wheeled around and walked up to the sentry. “Why didn’t you salute me?” he asked. “P-p-please, sir, I didn’t know who you were.” Robertson glanced down at his none too smart uniform, grimed with oil and dust from close contact with the lorry, and smiled grimly. "Well,” he saift, “I may not look Just now like a blankety general. But I am one.” X - His Bit. Chairman Dennis of the local draft board was berating a would-be slacker. “It won’t be much of a story, will it?” he said. "What?” “When your grandchildren ask you what you did in the great war, all you will have to tell them is that once a week ypu went without meat” —Los Angeles Times. Practical View. “I am so obsessed with my love for you,” wrote the sweet young thing to her soldier, “that I cannot eat a bite.” “That is the kind of girlie for me.” said the rookie; “with the price of eats havin’ a blue sky limit I,could Just about support a wife who didn’t eat” —Florida Times-Union. Northampton, England, points out the site of a mill once operated by ancestors of George Washington.

Post Toasties Everything a corn food oughij .JE IL to be ■ "■ - and saves the wheat — s * ys .

The Sophomore Joke

By JANE OSBORN

(Copyright, IMS, by the McClura Newspaper Syndicate.) At the sophomore class balloting, after the students had rather easily disposed of such questions as “Who is the prettiest girl in the class?” “Who is the best football player?” “What is your favorite color?” and “What Is the height of your ambition?” the question “Who is the most popular professor in college?” was not so easily dismissed. There were several possible candidates, but no one stood in the light of a decided majority. Then one of the students got up in class meeting and with a gracious flourish cried: “I propose Prof. Reginald Raymond as the most popular member of the faculty.” And amid deafening peals of laughter from the members of the class a dozen shouts of “Second the motion” arose, and then “Aye!” “Aye 1” till the president’s gavel had to bring order. It was regarded as a capital joke—an uproariously funny joke. Perhaps no one in the world understands the richness of this particular sort of humor so well as a young American undergraduate, and a sophomore at that. But from the sophomore point of view it was something very much to be laughed at—that the professor who, because of certain traits of absentmindedness, Inattention, preoccupation and unsociableness, actually was the most unpopular man in the faculty, should have this fact gently brought home to him by seeing his name blazoned forth in college yearbook and periodical, and announced before all the world at class day, and whispered about by professors and professors’ wives, as the “most popular man on the faculty.” Apparently, from the peals of laughter that accompanied the casting of the unanimous ballot in favor of Professor Raymond, every member of the class appreciated the joke. But when Ruth Rodney, the secretary of the class, and, as the only officer of her sex in the class, generally agreed to be the most popular girl in its number, rose to read the result of the balloting and- came to the vote that mentioned Professor Raymond, there was a look of bitter resentment in. her expression, and from beneath her lowered eyes she shot a look that was not one of kindness at the student in the front row who had, pro-' posed the jest. “What was the matter, Ruth?” one of the girls asked her after class meeting. “You looked daggers at Steve. Did you want some one else to get the vote? Every one’ll know it’s a joke. Say, won’t Reggie snort when he hears of it?”

“Of course Professor Raymond will be offended,” said Ruth shortly. “But I don’t see that there is anything so funny about that. After all, he hasn’t done anything so very dreadful to our class, except to try and din a little philosophy into our unsophisticated heads. It isn’t his fault if college faculties are still obtuse enough to think that philosophy ought to be a compulsory sophomore subject, is it? And it isn’t his fault if he’s absentminded, and likes violet neckties, and if his eyes are so sensitive that he has to have the shades drawn in his classroom, is it?” “You know yourself he’s a frightful crab, Ruth,” was her companion’s conclusion. “Really, for my part 1 think it is a beautiful joke. I’m just crazy for tomorrow’s philosophy lecture to see how mad he is about it.” But the next morning a surprise was in store for the sophomore class. Naturally enough, Professor Raymond had heard of the polling, for even absentminded professors usually do take a lively interest in matters of that sort. Instead of showing his annoyance, he appeared in his class-room with an unwonted smile upon his face. » With that began the second joke, or, as the students soon thought, the best joke of all.

“The poor crab doesn’t know he Is being kidded!” whispered one sophomore in the front row to another, and after class there were groups of students still explaining to each other how intensely funny the situation was, now that poor Reggie believed he actually was the most popular man in college. That became the standing joke of the campus; Mothers and fathers and younger sisters and brothers, when they came to visit their students, had the shambling, near-sighted professor, who always wore a violet necktie, pointed out as the deluded creature who really thought he was popular with the students, and even staid members of the faculty had a little fun with each other at poor Reginald’s expense. Ruth still saw no joke in the situation. In fact, the very serenity of the professor made her feel the insult that her class had heaped upon him the more. It was in pity then, and in an effort to show her classmates that she did not join them in their practical joking, that she made it a point to linger occasionally after class, on some excuse or other, to talk to him. She wanted the students it, and she felt actual pleasure sometimes in having him overtake her on the campus, take long walks with him through the roads that led off into the country. “Just imagine how mortified he win feel when he finds out that it has been just a joke,” Rath told her classmates

THE EVENING REPUBLICAN. RENSSELAER. IND.

on one of the last occasions when she reproved them for their thoughtlessness, and she was only assured by the thoughtless ones that “Reggie was too dense to find out.”

\ It was "known that in faculty gatherings reference was sometimes made to “our popular professor,” and on such occasions Professor Raymond always beamed his utter satisfaction, much to the amusement of the other-members of the faculty.'

From those long walks developed friendship, and from friendship dependence, and then love, and before spring had come Ruth and Professor Raymond were engaged, and when college opened the next year they were married and nicely established in one of the new brick terraced little cottages on the Gampus, with an evening “at home” to the students every week, and special suppers and teas on frequent occasions to the class to which Ruth had belonged—the class which had paid the renowned honor to Professor Raymond. • First it was noticed that the professor left off purple neckties, and chose in their place those of brown and dark blue and gray. He must have consulted a new oculist, for before long he never bothered with having the shades in his classroom drawn. Then students began to notice that when he passed them on the campus, Instead of shuffling by them with the look of Diogenes in search of an honest man, he always met them with a cordial smile, and sometimes found pretext to stop them and pass the time of day with them. At his home were really the most successful “at homes” on the campus.

To be sure, Ruth’s delicious sandwiches and chocolate topped with whipped cream may have been the at traction, but it was not only the stu dents, who attended parties in general, only for “the eats,” who made a point of attending the Raymond “at homes.” Professor Raymond always somehow seemed to get a laugh out of the most self-conscious and awkward of his student guests, and he seemed to realize that once you have made a student laugh with you, you have convinced him that you and he are on a friendly footing, and not separated by the chasm that lies between faculty and student body. Another summer passed, and when the class to which Ruth had belonged returned to their senior year there was another balloting. The results plainly showed that students change in some ways from sophomore to senior year. The honors of pulchritude had passed from the sophomore belle to another girl who had not even been noticed two years before; the favorite color was now crimson Instead of violet, and there were more students whose ambition now was to become a millionaire ‘ than in the year when the vote of the class went in favor of “Writing a masterpiece bf literature.” But again the vote for popularity went to Professor Raymond. On'this occasion, however, there were no peals of laughter when the unanimous ballot was cast. On the contrary there was a solemn, almost contrite expression on the faces of the students as they voted, and a formal letter telling the professor of his election was sent to him, together with the announcement that he had been elected honorary member of the class. When the professor opened the letter Ruth was sitting beside him in his study, and there were tears of happiness ill her eyes as she read the announcement it, contained. “I knew they would-re-elect you,” she said, with an effort at unconcernedness. Reginald Raymond put out two strong hands and pressed both of Ruth’s hands in them. ""Don’t - you know,” he asked, “that I understand that you have won this for me? Could I have been so blind as not to see? I knew they despised me,” he said, with a relic of the old bitterness, “and no man ever longed so for student friendship as I did. And you came to show me how to win it” “But —but you acted —we thought that you believed it —that you didn’t see the abominable joke.” “That was my little joke on the class, Ruth, dear. And after those first weeks of mortification about it I decided that my ambition was first to win your love, and then to win that which has come to me today.”

"Marseillaise” Author a Royalist

The “Marseillaise” is often considered a hymn by radicals and Reds, because it was first widely used by revolutionists, but Rouget de Lisle was, when he wrote it and to the end of his long life, a convinced royalist, true to his* oath of loyalty to Louis XVI. Some months after his great hymn was written he was arrested as a counter-revo-lutionary, and was saved from the guillotine only because Robespierre, the master terrorist, was executed. Rqpget de Lisle was so hostile to the radicals that, rather than take part in the wars of revolutionary France, he retired from the army, becoming prominent again only after the July revolution, when King Louis Philippe made him a chevalier of the Legion of Honor and gave him a pension.

Near the Smoky City.

Yeast —Been away? Crimsonbeak —Yes; on a fishing trip, “Where?” “Out near Pittsburgh.” "Get anything?” “Oh, yes.” “What kind of fish did you catch?” “I don’t know exactly, but they tasted for all the world like smoked fish."

True.

“Pa, what does it mean when a man says he handed in his resignation?” "It usually means that the man was fired or about to be."

Home Town Helps

NEW YORKER IS INDIGNANT * However, Not Many Public. Park* Ar* In a* Bad Condition a* the On* H* Describe*. In the latest bulletin of the Municipal Art society, C. W. S. is justifiably bitter In his comment on the waste of opportunity in the so-called city parks of New York. “When is a city park not a park?” he asks, and answers: “When It ceases to offer either grass, flowers, or the shade of trees; when, for instance, it has a large granite basin or fountain without water, which is gradually broken up and carried away; when, at one end it harbors a ship and at the other a bombproof cairn for explosives; when one-third of it is roughly fenced off for a few years while the subway burrows its slow course within a yard of the grass surface, destroying for the time the plantation and prevfenting for all time the growth, of shade trees over it, and when this .subway seizes more of its precious space for entrances; when the few surviving trees, uncared for In recent years, are left to die limb by limb and break down gradually, and their place is filled by no new shade trees; and when. In consequence, such a forlorn patch of barren ground and concrete as this has become stands year after year through the hot summers neglected, dusty, and shadeless; in a Word, when its name is Union square. The nursemaid in Punch being asked by the little boy at the station: ‘What is a junction?’ replies: ‘A place where two tracks separate.’ With equal truth this square Is to us a place where our Idea of a park and its reality separate.”

PUTTING IVY TO GOOD USE

How the Plant Was Cleverly Trained to Hide the Naked Ugliness of a Windmill. The - hlghly’decoratlve effect’ of Ivy growing against the walls of castles and other buildings was discovered some centuries ago, but It remained for a very modern farmer to turn the climbing habit of the wild grape to good account, remarks the Popular

The Skeleton of the Windmill Has a Dress That Eve Might Have Envied.

Science Monthly. The photograph tells the story. The windmill was quickly turned from a bare framework, suggesting in its ugliness the inartistic but highly useful framework of a skyscraper, t 8 a bower of beauty. As a matter of fact, the farmer used both the wild grape and the ivy (not the kind that poisons), and in two years had the framework well covered. And, as the owner said: “It didn’t cost much.” Moreover, the vine-clad windmill is a thing of beauty if not a joy forever.

Clean Up the Roadside.

Why not mow the weeds along the roadside? How much prettier the road will look. It only takes a few minutes. The knowledge that you -h« ve beautified the world a bit is pay.

Useful Trees Needed.

In many countries of Europe the highways are lined with fruit trees, pruned each year by the government Tn this country our highways are decorated with hedges, a few tame shade trees, willows, catalpas, elms, cottonwood, poplar, soft maple, box elder — all useless trees. We need black walnut, butternut, hickory, oak, hard maple for sugar and various fruit trees. We need spruce for airplanes and pine trees for lumber. Thorn hedges are a nuisance. We need hazelnuts, mulberries, cherries, currants, raspberries, blackberries, apples, plums, crabs, peaches, pears, grapes. Where is a more suitable place than our highways and streets? A public landscape gardener would more than earn his keep and be an added blessing to the people each year. This functionary could be given authority to root out such obnoxlxous shrubs as the barberry bush.

1 .am '■ w| mHb nfig Bnn w - •; ; I s. ■ AHA fl B *FSOS ■ J J I 1 | | J I We will win this war— I Nothing else really matters until we do! 1 The Flavor Lasts I

&T/W4lll 11 11 Hrm Where in Western Canada you can buy at from I $lB to S3O per acre good farm land that will raise I 20 to 45 bushels to the acre of $2 wheat its I easy to figure the profits. Many Western Canadian I fanners (scores of them from the U. S.) have paid for their Jand frmni a I single crop. Such an opportunity for 100% profit on labor and investment I is worth investigation. Canada extends to you a hearty invitation to settle on her Free Homestead Lands of 160 Acres Each “ I easy to get 'Wonderful yields also of Oats, Barley and m Flax. Mixed farming and cattle raising. The climate is healthful and agreeable; railway facilitiee excellent; good schools and churches convenient. WILL tA WJJR. h Write for literature and particulars as to reduced railway K rates to Supt Immigration. Ottawa. Canada, or to X DJJ a | c. J. Broughton, Room 412,112 W.Adorno • aDRg Canadian Government Agents

©■ sStoil Distemper CURES THE SICK And nrevents others having the disease no matter how exnosed W cent- and “ botUe ’ •® JSO “ d ’ ll<W * dooen bottles. All good druggists and turf goods houses. Spohn Medical Co. Goshen. IncL, U. S. A.

DO WORK AT HIGH PRESSURE

Duties of War Correspondents at the Front Are In the Highest Degree Exacting. Here are the conditions under which a war correspondent has to work: A great attack is pending and In the black night the war correspondent journeys forth from S. H. Q. by car to some vantage point, from which he sees what he can of the action and, even were visibility perfect, under conditions of modern war he could only hope to witness a tiny corner of the battle—picks up what facts he can at brigade, divisional, corps or army headquarters, and from the “walking wounded,” who begin to stream down from the front within ,an hour of “zero,” studies his maps, and makes his notes. Morning papers go to press early these days. So in the early afternoon he is whirled homeward, maybe through shell fire, fifty, sixty or seventy miles, and then only, at the end of a long, exhausting day,'his work proper begins. He must sit down and write promptly a dear and comprehensive account of the day’s. doings, graphic, if possible, as complete as may be, yet containing nothing that infringes on censorship rules. It is a t ww ic demanding the utmost concentration from a mind and body already fatigued. _

Neighborly sympathy often turns out to be about nine-tenths curiosity. The man who wins never waits to follow the crowd.

Successful Portable Kitchen.

A portable kitchen.was used with success in Wilmington, Del., to teach the children how to conserve food. It was transported from school to school as the work required. An exhibition was given of the five varieties of Liberty bread that the children made from conservation recipes in the prize contest conducted by the woman’* committee of the state. .

Many a mfthwho meanders around the free-lunch route daily likes to be seen entering a first-class hotel.

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