Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 211, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 September 1918 — JUSTA LITTLE SMILE [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

JUSTA LITTLE SMILE

Cabbages and Wartime. Two smokers were standing on a city curb, away frbm the currents stirred by passersby. One was smoking a pipe. ’ The other threw a half-finished cigar into the street. ' ■• “That’s against the law,” said the pipe smoker. „ “Why, I threw it into the gutter," said the other. “But it’s against the law to throw away cabbage in wartimes.”

His Handicap.

“The north-bound train is forty minutes late, Mr. Sellers,” said the landlord of the Petunia tavern. “Why, confound it!” returned the impatient drummer. “Your porter said the station agent told him it was ten minutes late.” “Yes, but you know old Henry Is so deaf that he hears only about a quarter of what is said to him.”

A Parting Shot.

Mr. Will Makem had just popped the question to M 1& Elderlelgh, the lady of his choice. “I am sorry," she answered resolutely, “I cannot marry you. I’m sure you never saw any encouragement written on my face.” “Ah, true!” sighed the rejected one. “I suppose it w T as because of my inability to read between the lines.”

Horrible Accident.

Willie and his little sister were visiting at a mountain resort where It .was the custom to wax eloquently enthusiastic about “the view.” One day the little girl fell over the edge of the piazza, and Willie ran screaming to his mother: “Oh, mother! Come quick, won’t you? Bessie’s fallen into the view 1”

Irish Repartee.

Murphy—Aw, g’wan an’ talk to yersilf. O’Brien —If Oi did Oi’d be talkin’ to a 'sensible man, an’ hearln’ a sinsible man talk.

Almost Sure Sign of Rain.

When the smoke settles to the earth, take heed. Rain is almost always sure to follow within 24 hours. The settling of the smoke indicates that there is much moisture in the air.

Use for German Helmets.

“My boy has sent over a German helmet. What do you suppose I can do with it?” “Personally I’d use it for a garbage pail."

Cruel.

Rich Old Aunt—Robert, I am going to make my will.: I think I shall leave you—(pause). Nephew (eagerly)—Yes, aunt. Aunt—Before long.

Nothing Cheap About Him.

“You’re a low swindler.” The food pirate smiled. “Call me a swindler if you like,” he . said, “but leave off the 'low.’ My operations run into the millions.” .

When She Economizes

Mr. Myles—Does your wife economize in any direction? Mr. Styles—Oh, my, yes. “In what does she economize?” “In shoe leather. She always insists upon wearing shoes two sizes too small for her.”

On to Him.

“I can’t live properly on $75 a week,” complained the young man. “Yes, you can," said his guardian. “The real trouble Is you want to live improperly.”

Poor Outlook.

“Papa, did Jack .ask you for my hand?” “Yes; and I guess that’s about all of you he could. support. I found out that his salary would just about keep you in gloves.” 5 - ~‘

The Morning After.

Wife—Do you think it good taste for you to stay out to the hour you did last night? Hub—ls you refer, my dear, to this dark brown taste in my mouth, I confess that it’s anything but good.

Unusual.

“There was a sensational case of kidnaping on our block yesterday.” “You don’t say so! What was ItF “The baby In the third house who generally keeps everybody awake with its yells slept all night.”

Not Altogether Unusual.

“The amendment to tnls bill is getting more thought and discussion than the original document.” “Well,’’ inquired Senator Sorghum, “isn’t it much the same way with the Constitution of the United States?"