Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 194, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 August 1918 — LIFE'S LITTLE JESTS [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

LIFE'S LITTLE JESTS

Why Father Worked. A boy of twelve asked his father the other day if he liked to work. “Of course,” was the reply, “but that’s a queer question; why do you ask it?” “Because I want to hear your Answer.” ’ “I like to work for one reason: because I’ve got to work to earn money so I can take care of myself and family. Who’d take care of you and mamma if I didn’t work?” “What are poorhouses for?” '‘They’re not for lazy people who can work arid won’t Besides, if I didn’t work there would be no fun in loafing.” '

LOGICAL.

“What! You here again fdr money for a night’s lodgin’? Why, I just gave you money for that purpose last night.” “I know it, mum; but a feller’s gutter sleep more’n wunst”

Selective Draft.

Esny, meeny, miney, moe; Which one goes to fight the foe: Which one stays to get his thrills Paying wartime grocery bills?

On Speaking Terms.

When little Ernest was out walking with his mother one day he suddenly pointed to a lady across the road and said: “Oh, mamma, I know that lady over there! She often speaks to me.”r- • “Does she really, darling?” answered the mother: “And what does she say?” “She —she —well, she usually says, •Don’t you dare to throw stones at my dog again, you little wretch!’”

The Peace Offensive.

W. Stanley Hawkins, director of camp singing, said at Camp Dix: “When the kaiser’s battle, the 19-18 offensive, began, the kaiser ordered Strauss to compose a victory march that should be played on the German troops’ triumphal entry into Paris.” Mr. Hawkins chuckled. “I understand,” y he added, “that Strauss has now been called off his victory march. The kaiser has asked him to try his hand at a peace overture."

BEFORE THE COOLNESS.

“Aw! I wuz a flossy guy wunst 1 uster smoke quarter cigars.” “Wot wuz de matter —wuz de sports too stingy to t’row away half onesF

A Nation's Soul.

A nation’s vety much like a man. Its courage often needs a test. From trials of the soul we can Determine which loves honor best.

Something of a Pessimist

“Of course,'you are in favor of antiloafing laws.” “Yes,” replied Farmer Corntossel. "Only they are goln’ to make some trouble at first by turnin’ loose a lot of Inexperienced people whose one idea of bein’ busy is to get tn the way."

The Reason.

“Binks Is one of the most wideawake men I ever met.” .. . “Is he so enterprising?" "Not so much that as he suffers tes* rlbly from iasomqla.” . •