Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 172, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 31 July 1918 — A LITTLE BIT HUMOROUS [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

A LITTLE BIT HUMOROUS

INNOCENCE. The culprit had hired the young town lawyer to defend him against the charge of stealing a book cabinet. After the first conference the young student of law who was just beginning court practice said to his client: «“Now, Bill, I’m convinced that you didn’t steal that book cabinet. If I thought you did I’d advise you to plead guilty. However, just leave It to me and I’ll prove to the court that you are innocent. In the" meantime 111 take a retainer of ten dollars and you can pay the rest when —” “Ten dollars!” said Bill. “I ain’t got no ten dollars.” At this startling news the young lawyer seemed downcasted, but suddenly he brightened. “Well, I’ll tell you what I’ll do,” he said. “I’ll try to get you out of this scrape and then we’ll call it square if you send the cabinet around to my office. I need one badly*.” Disposed Of. “You remember that clock t you sold me?" asked the lady. “Yes, madam, I - do,” replied the salesman. “You told me it would run eight days without winding.” “Well, - does It not, madam?” “I don’t really know. It had suph a diabolical alarm that I didn’t keep !t long enough to find out.” i . «- Did Best She Could. Mrs. Flatbush—l’m surprised at that neighbor of ours. Mr. Flatbush—What’s wrong now? “Why, I saw her banging her husband over the head today with her umbrella.” “Oh, well, dear, I guess that’s all right. Perhaps she didn’t have a nutcracker handy.” HEARD MANY A ONE.

The Judge—Madam, do you understand the nature of an oath? The Witness —You seem to forget, your honor, that' I’ve been married ’ for over twenty years. Mary’s Little Shoes. Mary had a little limp And furrows in her brow. She couldn’t wear a number two. But tried it anyhow. Good Reason. Redd —They always call a ship she, don’t they? Greene —Yep. “Well, do they call ah airship she. too?” "Certainly.” “Why?” “Because they’re inclined to be flighty.” T rue. / “Gardening is a good deal like raising children." “I find that it’s not enough merely to have one. To get the best results with either a child or a garden you’ve got to give them constant care.” Perhaps Both. Wifey—l believe you’re getting old: you rjever go out with the boys any more. Hubby (knowingly)—lt isn’t age; it’s wisdom. Happy Disappointment. Sad prophecies all unfulfilled Bid every pessimist be mute. . Each year we say, “The fruit crop's killed!” Yet somehow there Is always fruit. Excusable. “That’s the first fight that ever made me run,” said Broncho Bob. “I didn’t know running; was in your line.” “It isn’t But this time if I hadn’t run fast enough to catch up with Piute Pete, there wouldn’t have been any fight” One-Sided Heredity. “Do you believe children inherit faults?” “Certainly; Our children get all theirs from their Lather’s side."