Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 171, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 July 1918 — THALES FROM BIG CITIES [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

THALES FROM BIG CITIES

All Traffic Held Up by Mr. Drake and His Harem PHILADELPHIA.— It was not a motorcycle “cop” or a couple Of smashed autos that blocked the wheels of pleasure on a park boulevard this time,. No, it was only a big dawdling drake and four unladylike members of his

harem. Mr. Drake, the sultan of his special flock, with the four Mrs. Drakes, were crossing the boulevard, beaded for a lagoon just above the south entrance to the park, when a large motorbus, loaded with noonday shoppers, came rumbling along the highway. With furious and unrelenting quackings the sultan and his four wives took to the middle of the road and charged’ the big two-storied bus

like a band of howling Huns. The , “quack-quack” of the sultan and leader sounded more like back-back than anything else. “S-s-sic ’im! S-s-sic ’em !” hissed the four-ladies of the sultan’s harem, which was hot at all l?idylike, according to modern ethics or e about a minute there ‘ere two long lines of automoblles-one going, another coming, and the lines extended for a block each way, the sultani and his “legion of death” still bidding utter defiance to the huge tanklike thing: that continued to snort at them. w «hw.» Presently the feathered patrol assembled in the middle of the highway for a consultation, which lasted several minutes, despite the fact that the noonday shoppers and occupants of the autos had been re-enforced by several park laborers armed with rakes, shovels and miscellaneous cudgels. Evidently the legion of death advised that discretion is the better part of valor; anyway, the sultan stalked proudly from the highway, followed byhis feminine supporters, marching by “twos.” By the time they had reached, the lagoon the boulevard officers had begun to straighten out the bewilderingS “Pon me soul, this is more excitin’ than whin OI played ducks and drakesin Oireland,” remarked “Big Tim” Brady, as he searched for the bowl of his pipe that had been broken off in the battle. Some Tears and a Little Laughter on the Side ■MILWAUKEE. —The large square room at the Detention home where theHl tragedies of domestic life and childhood are settled is not the place where one would generally look for comedy. But Friday afternoon the goddess of laughter beamed upon the

place and more than once the judge’sgavel fell when the snickers became too audible. Matrimonial problems are many, but the most unique was that of the man who, not able to support in comfort his five motherless children, had the temerity to pay court to a widow with four children. He did not speak English. In Polish the Interpreter put at the court's suggestion that he had enough

children to care for and suggested that he ply his suit elsewhere. Quickly came the response that he was quite willing to call quits at the game of lovemaking but for the fact that he held the widow in fean. On the bench four little “tow heads” —“innocents,” the judge termed them —all under six years, regarded the proceedings gravely, while the older sister, Mary, sobbed convulsively. But a new life is to open for the children, as the court will take care or them until the father provides a new home and a housekeeper to care for them. And the housekeeper will not be a widow and mother of four. Another cause of mirth was Elmer, aged thirteen. Elmer is not a bad boy in the court’s terminology, but be Is possessed of a boyish mischievous trait His father is dead and his mother in the hospital, so Elmer had been living with a family beyond the limits of the city. Now, there was a neighbor, a physician, who, not being able to countenance boyish misbehavior, one day delivered a “thrashing” to his own protege and to Elmer. So Elmer ran away to the city, where the new-found freedom kept him out to the wee small hours. Elmer admitted to the eourt that he wanted to be a good boy, but the memory of the “thrashing” still rankled, for he had “felt uncomfortable for three days.” The boy loves baseball and when he learned that he could be captain of the home, team, his tears were dried and even the memory of the,, thrashing faded as he promised to be a model boy until his mother’s return to the home.

Loss of Her Bank Roll Peeved Fair Carolina ST. LOUIS—If Carolina Kfasnika had not forced her stockings to compete with the savings banks she would still have her sl-,790 and three of her friends, John Sifke and his wife, Helen, and John Humlckl, would not have

been locked up in default of SIO,OOO bail each, charged with reducing the financial swelling in the vicinity of her ankles. In view of her costly experience no one can blame Carolina with vowing that in the future she will keep nothing in her stockings but her legs. Every dollar Carolina has managed to save for years and years has gone into her stockings, and as she has been extremely thrifty her underpinning bulged .prominently at so many

points thaixffie slightest raise of her skirts convinced beholders she was suffering from a series of compound fractures. One thousand sevpn hundred and ninety dollars in bills of small denominations—as most of them are said to have been —would look like a van load of lettuce, so it isn t hard to imagine Carolina looking as if she was just naturally sinking into her shoes. She alleged that while attending a party recently in the apartment of Humicki she suddenly lost consciousness. When she revived some time later she was stricken with a severe chill below the knees and on investigating discovered her long green wrappings had vanished. Carolina swears she was asked th drink some one’s health in what she now has every reason to believe was “knock-out drops.” She reported the inatter to the police, with the Result that indictments fqr robbery in the first degree were found against her three friends.

Have Had All the Hard Luck Coming to Them CHICAGO. —Maud Newton wedded under the shadow of all the .ill omens she could think of. But she and Forrest Cherubini, a soldier, whose home is in Chicago, but who is now stationed with a machine gun corps at W aco,

Tex., are fast married. Forrest came up from Waco—he is twenty-nine—to meet his blushing Maud of thirtythree, who is essaying her second matrimonial venture. They motored to Crown Point, Ind. On the way down they had three htlowouts. But they got their license and then bravely sallied forth for Hammond, there to have-the knot knotted. On the way a black cat ran in front of their car, and they nearly ran over it. Arrived in Hammond they drove gayly -

to the office of Police Magistrate Theodore Koltz and “stood up.” th© “Why, right he .” Forrest didn’t complete the word, for the license was most palpably not “right here.” It wasn’t anywhere. The police scdured the town. They enlisted all of Hammond’s available chauffeurs, who combed the roads and bosky dells about Hammond way for over an hour, when, behold, a modest, official looking white paper fluttered in the breeze just to the leeward of a deep seagoing taxi, was grasped by Its skipper and turned over to the soldier swain. i They were spliced. Now both declare that nothing can happen to Forrest in France, for they have had all the hard luck coming to them. v k