Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 160, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 July 1918 — SCRAPS of HUMOR [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SCRAPS of HUMOR

IN LUCK.

First Manager—Then you had a satisfactory season? Second Manager —Very! Two of our most antagonistic critics died. Gassed. The perfume of the wlldwood flower Expands across the scene. And then is wholly smothered by The scent of gasoline. Selt-Help. “Don’t you hate a man who insists on being waited on instead of doing things for himself?” asked one woman. “No,” answered the other. “Our home would be much happier if my husband didn’t get the lights and the doorbell all mixed up owing to his impression that he a natural-born electrician.” Very Much So. “The discipline in the navy is very strict, isn’t it?” “Yes; even .the vessels which don’t keep up with the others are docked for it.” The Cause. “The man who insulted me wrote me a very lame apology.” “But, then, you know, he had sprained his wrist.” Recrimination. He —You think you are deep, my dear, hut to me you are an open book. She—Maybe I am, but you can’t shut me up. * XT Sure Defense. “Did you ever see a gas mask?” “Sure; you can see one every time on the gasman’s face when you go to complain of your meter.”

Its Proper Namd. “What do you think of my daughter’s execution on the piano?” “I think I would look on it more as murdering time.” Faint Hope. “Wanderlust says he would like to go out West and settle." “Well, I hope he settles with me before he goes.”—Answers. BUSINESS.

“Harper says that every husband should wash the dishes for his wife.” “And who is Harper?” “He is in the china business.” Their Way. “Average .juries remind me of a selfcocking revolver.” “In what way?” “They go off as soon as they’re charged, but nobody knows what they’re going to hit.” A Good Reason. "Why don’t you accept him if he has offered to have his life Insured in your favor?” “Because if he was a good risk for the insurance company, he’d be a bad one for me.”