Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 151, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 July 1918 — Adrift With Humor [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Adrift With Humor

SORRY HE LEFT BALTIMORE. The congressional party brought back many- stories from the fighting fronts in France. ~ “At a camp for German prisoners behind the British lines,” said a member of the party in Washington, "a detail was called out for some ditch digging. None of the British guards could speak German and none of the Germans seemed to understand a word of English. “Under the circumstances it was difficult to give orders, and the ‘Tommies* 1 had a terrible time showing the prisoners what they wanted done. For this reason they drove the diggers a little harder, perhaps, than the union rules allow. “Finally one big German, his face aglow with perspiration, dropped his shovel, straightened up painfully and said in a tone of genuine disgust: “ ‘Ach 1 Why in h—l did I ever leaveL Baltimore 1’ ”

Cause for Anger. , Mrs. Flatbush (at the piano)—Oh> John! See how angry that man looks across the way I Mr. Flatbush —Yes, I noticed dear. “Shut the window, quick. He mayj throw something.” “I don’t think it will be necessary to( shut the window if you stop dear." ( HIGH FINANCE.

Hubby—Why did you pay $40.53 for! that hat? Wifey—l had to do it to make my[ checkbook balance. 1 t . . Not Always Soundless. A pin may drop In such a way That nothing could be louder. Just drop one that’s red hot some day Into a keg of powder. Discarded Metaphor. “Nobody seems to be mending political fences Just now.” “No. Statesmanlike attention at present is concentrated on barbwire entanglements in ‘No Man’s Land.* ” Something Odd In Art. Henry—He may be a good artist, but he has a queer way of doing things. Happy—How’s that? says he painted his greateat masterpiece on an empty stomachy Took a Fall Out of Him. "Was it muscular rheumatism attacked your “I should say it was muscular. It threw fpe on my back and kept me! from getting up for a month.” On the Job. ! Knlcker —Of course, I didn’t forget to mail that letter. Why do you askt Mrs. Knicker—Simply because I fmH •ot to write it Something Like It Redd—You say his father was in the fish business? Greene—Yes, something like that He taught people to swim. The Retort Courteous. "When a woman gives her hand* she wants something on it” “When a man offers his hand, hoi «mght to have something in it” # - ■ " Poots at Rest "Do you remember the drug store clerk who got you what you wanted and then asked: ‘And now what else,* with the saccharine stress on the *now,* when he knew there wasn’t anything else?” "Enjoy yourself. I shot him.”—Sun Dial. ■ • -■ - Getting His Measure. "Is that new member a good talker?* “Well,” replied Senator Sorghum* "he’s a wonder for endurance. But h» doesn’t class up very well for speed.”