Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 147, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 July 1918 — STORIES of AMERICAN CITIES [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

STORIES of AMERICAN CITIES

Just Why Liberty Loan Fund Was Short S7OO CHICAGO.— A great volume of cheers accumulating In William Rasawich have been suppressed for the duration of the war. He awoke a bit early the other morning with enough headache to worry a bronze monument and minus S7OO which he intended to In-

vest in Liberty bonds. Patriotism in its most acute form attacked William. He was pressing trousers in his tailor shop at the time and when he got through cheering and applauding as a drum corps passed there was an aroma of stewed cheviot about the shop and the trousers had gone to their reward. — — □T William announced that he would'" pay for the trousers and would also invest S7OO in Liberty bonds. Adapi

Hordlenk, who worked at the next bench, began dewing rapidly without hittirg anything with his needle. He assured William he was a patriot and would taUo him to a place to buy the bonds. William drew the money from the bank and was proceeding along the street with the helpful Adam when they encountered a friend, whom Adam had known since he first peeked out of his bassinette. Oddly enough, the friend had Invented a machine which with one whiff could asphyxiate the kaiser, crack the kneecaps of his troops, feed the German populace, blow the sandals and bloomers off the Turks and make it possible for the poor to use whip cream in their coffee forever and a day. All that the machine needed was one bolt, three platinum dizzy pins and a cerise plush ribbon, all of which could be bought for $694.75. William decided to further investigate the machine that would stop the war and so all repaired to a cute but not bizarre thirst parlor. Before sunlight skidded down over William’s cheeks the party was having the tenth round, all of which tasted peculiar. Twenty-four hours later William awoke a bit dazed. He felt for the S7OO. To put it pointedly—it had vanished. So had his friend Adam. William went to the police, who were sympathetic, but inclined to be giggly as he led up to the story’s climax. So William is through cheering, for the duration of the war.

King of All “Cheap Skates” Found in New York NEW YORK. —Not far from Herald square there is a blind man who makes a doubtful living selling newspapers. He has been there for years. It was a warm, spring morning with enough tang in the air to make New Yorkers glad they were alive. One of those

1918 model cheap men walked up to the stand. He had on a high hat, frock coat, striped trousers, spats and mayonnaise mitts. A cane was crocked over his left arm. He looked like a man who could recite “What the men will wear” without missing a stroke. A glaring war headline on the blind man’s newspapers caught his eye. He paused, and from a distance tried to read the announcement. This whetted his curiosity, and stepping

forward he withdrew the top newspaper, retaining It until he had finished the article. All the while the blind man stood with upturned palm waiting for his two cents. Mr. Snappy Dresser ignored the mute appeal. He refolded the newspaper, slipped it under the blind man’s arm, helped himself to a shrug and walked on. A teamster with an unclean neck but perhaps a clean heart was driving Sy. He saw the performance and with a wild whoop jumped from his seat ind grabbed the nifty dresser by the arm. “Stealing the news from a blind man!” he exclaimed. “That’s a little more than the limit. You wouldn’t give a man the mumps when you got through with ’em.” And with that he delivered a back-hand slap across the headline purlolner’s face. And a cop on the corner, qfoused by the crowd, walked over, saw what was going on and. discreetly turned his face away. The man who cuts his hair, the man who gives only One cheer when three are called for, the man who holds out his littlest finger when asked to shake hands —all these may low be considered second-hand cheap men.

With Beloved Juliet Gone, Romeo Is a Sad Mule POUGHKEEPSIE, N. Y. —Two minds with but a single bray, four heels that kicked as one r only feebly describes the perfect romance of a pair of loving Dutchess county mules, the details of which were aired in the

supreme court here before Justice Morschauser in an action which Samuel Beskin, owner of the mules and mayor of Beacon, has started to compel Frank Yardle of Ossining to recompense him for an accident which broke up his mule set. Many in the courtroom were moved to tears, Justice Morschauser blinking at times, as the attorney for Beskin told of the devotion of Romeo and Juliet —the names under which the

mules were listed in the Beacon directory—and of the terrible grief of Romeo, since a motortruck, owned by Mr. Yardle, won the decision over Juliet. Life no longer holds any charm for Romeo. He not only refuses to work, but positively declines to get up when the alarm goes off. The extru hour of daylight means absolutely nothing to Romeo. Efforts to interest him by having some of the hired help bend over In his vicinity have failed. He cannot be induced to kick. And he and Juliet held the duet kicking record for Dutchess county. His bray, once of calliope power, has been reduced to a pathetic sniffle. Romeo has been introduced to many aspiring mules, but he refuses to put on the old work act with a new partner. Because Romeo’s usefulness as an Industrious mule has been totally destroyed, the owner wants Mr. Yardle to pay him for the loss of both animals. Justice Morschauser makes no secret of the fact that he is puzzled by the case. At a late hour he was still searching for an authority in mule lore.

Milwaukee Twins Hailed as “Champion Runaways” M IT .WAUKEE—With the title of “Milwaukee’s champion boy runaways” safely tucked away in their pockets, Joe and Billy Purpora, eleven years old, have added to their accomplishments the feat of successful financiering. The wandering twins are back In

the Purpora family circle. The couplet of Huckleberry Finns managed to amass the grand total of $2 during their absence from the parental roof. Accompanied by a big police sergeant the twins were returned to their home not the least bit fagged out by the experience and apparently very much regaled on candy and pies, which was their chief diet, according to Joe. Billy told Interviewers that they spent

the daytime In seeking out “junk,” which they sold to the ragman and uSed the proceeds for things dear to the heart of every red-blooded youngster. The twins pillowed their heads at night in the rear hallway of a downtown moving picture theater, so Joe said, and were patrons of the place during the day. Torn pants—that Is, Joe was the offender —are blamed by Billy for having prompted the twins’ latest expedition. Billy said Joe met with an accident necessitating an attempt to repair a rent In his pantaloons, the operation having made them late for school in the first place, and it-was not altogether a success in the second place. So they just naturally didn’t go to fachooL The rest has been told.