Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 95, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 April 1918 — SOME SMILES [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SOME SMILES

Serious Plight. “Smith was telling the other night of the awful trouble he had one time when he was shipwrecked in getting away from a man-eating shark.” “Yes, but did he ever tell you how he succeeded in dodging his wife when she was after him for a bargain hunting shopping trip?” Quick Success.

“Well,” said the young lawyer, “I pleaded my first suit yesterday, and won it” “You don’t say!” “Yes; congratulate me, old man; . I’m engaged to Miss Rich.”

With a Benediction. A private had received from England a gift of a new pair of woolen socks, and put them on joyfully on the morning before a heavy march. He was soon limping, but got no chance to take his boots off till the end of a 20mile day. Then he got the socks off, and found in the toe of one a piece of stiff writing paper, on which he could just read the words, w'ritten in a childish hand: “God bless the wearer of this pair of socks!” Drat the Cat.

“That man ought to .be arrested ! He threw a lump of coal at a cat!” “Are you going to tell the S. P. C. A.?” “No, Pm going to tell the fuel commissioner!”

Out-Hooverizing Hoover. , “Are you doing anything to economize on your pleasures?” “Oh, yes; I’ve cut out my wife’s matinee trips and the children’s movies.* Vernacular. “Why did you discharge your cook?” “She said she wouldn’t be reprimanded." “Did she express herself to that effect?* “Yes, but what she really said was, ‘I won’t take ho sass often nobody/ ”