Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 88, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 April 1918 — A LITTLE BIT HUMOROUS [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

A LITTLE BIT HUMOROUS

MIDNIGHT HAPPENING. There is a woman living on the Heights ’who is rather timid about fires. And the night was cold, and her husband was out of town, and when she retired at night she felt nervous. After an hour or maybe two or three,'she was awakened by the sound of a loud gong, beating rapidly. She sprang from her bed. The house stands close to the street, and the gong was clanging in front of the house. She rushed to the window and threw it open. There were no fire engines visible, but a street car was standing on the track, and somebody was calling “Fire! Fire!” “Don’t stand there and yell ‘fire!’” she shrieked to the street car crew, both of which were standing in the street. “Turn in an alarm !” “Go back to bed, lady,” answered the motorman. “I wasn’t yellin’ fire. The trolley was off and the conductor couldn’t get it back On and I was yellin’ ‘Higher—higher!”' And that’s all there was to it. Time Tables. “Is this train on time?” asked the local passenger. “I don’t know just what to say,” answered the conductor. “We’ll get into the station at four o’clock.” “Why, that’s when she’s due, to the minute.” “les. But she’s exactly 24 hours behindhand.” The Real Reason. She —How does it happen that you never married, when you’ve been engaged so many times? He—l can give the best references from all the girls who broke the engagements. They all say Tm too good for them. HEAVY.

The Professor—ln ancient times they wrote on bricks. The Absent-Minded Man —Gee! I bet no man ever forgot to mail his wife’s letter then. Real Troubles. The kicker silent now we find. He seems to lose the trick. He has so much upon his mind He hasn’t time to kick. Naughy Neighbors. “How do you like your neighbors?” “Not a bit.” said the woman who was trying a little boy’s hat on. “You see, they don’t like children.” “How do you know?” ‘‘They hurt Reginald’s feelings dreadfully. When he throws stones at their dog or plays the hose on their windows they look real cross at him!” —Pacific.Unitarian, _________ No Compliment “I told Henrietta that I was proud to see her vote just like a man," said Mr. Meekton. “Did that please her?” “No. The choice of phrase was unfortunate. She«said that if she couldn’t vote better than a man there would have been no need of her troubling about the ballot in the first place.” A Relief. “Your husband has been talking to those pretty young girls for almost an hour, and you don’t seem to mind it at all." “Not a bit. So long as they are ‘ willing to listen ’to his nonsense, I don’t have to.” Real Temptation. “I must not forget to lock up my diamonds,” said the cautious woman. “Never mind about them,” replied her husband. “No sensible burglar bothers about diamonds. You see that the refrigerator is locked. That has pork chops and a sirloin steak in it." A Woman’s >Xy. Mrs. Bilton —Weren’t you surprised, dear, when your husband gave you such a nice present? Mrs. Tilton—No; I was suspicious —Lampoon. .