Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 82, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 April 1918 — REBELLION IN HELL PROBABLE WHEN THE KAISER DIES [ARTICLE]

REBELLION IN HELL PROBABLE WHEN THE KAISER DIES

Big sparks flew from old Satan’s eyes. “What’s this I hear,” said he. They say that when the kaiser dies, he’ll be consigned to me. Old Hell to me is mighty dear, the place is very fine; but if they send that guy down here, believe me, I’ll resign. I’ll stand for murderers and crooks, and I will not disown, that I have now here on my books, the worst thugs ever known. But my boys would get sore I fear; I know they would rebel.' The kaiser cannot enter here, for he would corrupt Hell. Our sulphur is too clean for him, our brimstone lakes too pure, and if in one he took a swim, he’d ruin it I m sure. Our company is. not so swell, vile beasts we won’t reject, but keep the kaiser out of Hell, we have some self-respect.