Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 41, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 February 1918 — LIFE'S LITTLE JESTS [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

LIFE'S LITTLE JESTS

SOME REALLY NEED THEM. On Johnny’s first day of school he was given a registration slip, on which mother was to write his birth record. The following day he came tardy and without the registration slip. Hia teacher said: “Johnny, . you must bring an excuse for being tardy, and don’t forget the slip about when you were born.” All out of breath, next day, Johnny rushed in, holding out a note from mother. “Teacher,”^ 1 he gasped, “I brought the one about being tardy, but I forgot my excuse for being born.” Lonely Eminence. “Did you ever try to uplift the drama?” “Yes,” replied Mr. Stormington Barnes. “I uplifted the drama to my entire satisfaction. But the public was so well satisfied with my attainments that people didn’t feel it necessary to come around and supervise my demonstrations.” His Reason. “Your wife gave us a splendid lecture on cooking last night Why weren’t you there?” “I was home with a terrible attack of dyspepsia.” The Result “Did your new dressmaker give you a fit In that gown?” “I should say so! They had to call in two doctors when I saw myself In it." HIS IDEA.

Oldwed —I’ve been married for 20 years. Notwed (absently)—Any time off for good behavior? Close. My rich relations seem to be Not up to par. For none of them have handed mo A cast-off car. Hla Margin. “My broker tolii me I must give him something to put up on this deal.” “Well, did you put up anything?” “All I had —my umbrella." Got Cold Feet Mrs. Newedd —Oh, James, l.’ve fallen in love with that beautiful n acklace. Mr. Newedd —Come on; you’ve no business to fall In love with anything —you’re married. ■ Force of Habit “The man you sent to work here gave-me such pointed replies.” “Well, you see, he used to be a knife grinder.” A Cruel Separation. Author—This, article is the child of my brain. Editor—Parent and child never should have been parted. ■■ 1 ■" "■ i ■ Right at Home. “Are you going to the debate at the club tonight?” “No. A debate ia something I nuver have to leave the house to hear.” >. As It Looked to Him. Church-rßeally, the people of the whole world are our neighbors. Gotham —Well, it looks that way from the way a lot of ’em are fighting. The. Difference. The pessimist says things are wrong. And loiter* as |> e >eek* to blame. The optimist can sing a song And keep on working, just the sama. Not So Grieved After All. Marion —I do hope that poor Harald does not grieve too much at my having broken our engagement. I’m sure he’s very unhappy. What did he say, dear? Estelle—Qh, he said what a lucky thing you broke off this week Instead of next, as it saved him from having t» buy you a birthday present