Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 40, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 February 1918 — WINTRY SMILES [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

WINTRY SMILES

Mendacious Figures.

“Figures won’t lie!”' exclaimed the positive statistician. , “I assume from that remark that you are one of those accurate and superior persons who have not written *1917’ instead of T918:’”

Getting to Essentials. “I think we have at last located the blame for the coal situation,”' began the explanatory statesman. “I don’t care anything about the blame just now,” interrupted the ordinary citizen. “Have you located any A Motorist’s Impression. “Do we want to encourage a system which will compel us to wear chains forever?” Inquired the agitated citizen. “But what are you going to do in this kind of a climate?” Inquired Mr. Chuggins. “We can’t go on skidding.” Unnatural Condition. “I see in some big manufacturing place army orders for gloves are delayed.” “That’s queer. Under any condition gloves should always be on hand." Sometimes It Can’t Be Done. “ ‘Early to bed and early to rise’ Is a good old motto.” “Well,” replied Grannie Rllem, gloomily. “This daylight saving’s all right, of course. But out our way somebody’s simply got to stay up all nlghtto tend the furnace.” I /■ Favorites. ''

“Do you have meatless days at your house?” “Yes. Of course we have to make exceptions. Everybody goes without meat except Fido and the cook.”

No Deprivation. “Are you having any ‘lightless nights’ in Brindleburg?” “Sure,” replied the old resident. “Besides we don’t need any lights in this town. We’ve only got one picture theater and every man, woman and child in the community could find the way to it blindfolded.” Maybe So. “I wonder why hot soda won’t go like cold soda.” “Not spectacular enough,” suggested the druggist’s friend. “It might go better if you could squirt steam into it from a fine nozzle.”