Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 1, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 January 1918 — LIFE'S LITTLE JESTS [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

LIFE'S LITTLE JESTS

BLANK VERSE. Mrs. Jones and Mrs. Robinson wer® at loggerheads, but they always turned up at each other’s “At Homes.” ’ “Does your Johnny recite poetry?” £ “Yes,” replied Mrs. Robinsoo ■> proudly. “I don’t care for poetry,” laughed Mr.' Robinson, Johnny’s father, “FBI. otr ” ' “Oh, surely you approve of Johnny!” chipped in Mrs. Jones. “It doesn’t sound a bit like poetry ""“V. dear little Johnny recites it.” Additional Grievance. “It must be rather trying for a talkative* woman like Mrs. Gabbles to be* married to a man as deaf as Mr. Gabbles." “So it is. And to make matter* worse, Mrs. Gabbles has a lurking sua- .. picion .that Mr. Gabbles lost his hearing just to spite her.” Needed. Friend —Why do you maintain suck a large office force? Financier—To prevent outsiders from bothering me. “But 1 thought that was what your executive secretary was for,” “Oh, no. He is here to prevent the office force from bothering me.” —Life. TOOK HIS NERVE. - I

“It’s up to me to get a new gag. 1 told dat lady in de cottage dat I used to travel wld a circus.” “I suppose she got off dat old chestnut by giving yer an ax and asking yer to do de split?” "No; she had a new one. She gave me a saw and told me to saw up a cord of wood and den de fresh sawdust would remind me of de clrcu* rings.” Fits in Anywhere. People shy on punctuation / * Needn't gg»to smash. You <3 b »# the situation AlwayV-wkh a dash. Sympathy. Husband (groaning) —The rheumatism in my leg is coming again. Wife (with sympathy)—Oh, I am so sorry, John! I wanted to do some shopping today, and that is a sure sign of rain. The Result. * “Some glib talker persuaded me to go into the bee business he was selling out. guaranteeing mp big profits.” “What happened V “I was stung.” ~ ’JgH On What to Bay. “If you have something good to say, say it,” said Robert Meltz. “But if it’s something mean and bad, why then say something else.” Cruel Reminder. ' 1 “I don’t like my wife for a partner She never leads me anything.” “Why, everybody says she leads yon a dance.” ' . Advantage of Practice. “Briggs tells me he has a very fretful baby who cries all night.” g “He ought not to mind that. He is a professional floorwalker.” - Between Doctor*. First Doctor—l operated on him for' appendicitis. Second Doctor —What* was the mat--;, ter with him? r ■ ■ -y.flßj Great Discovery. Crawford — I see that there are I!%* 000 varieties of beetles. How did they ever find that out? Crabshaw —Some fellow who a bungalow in the country must .fmAg tided hanging a lighted lantern on his front porch.—The Lamb. Proof Positive. “He runs mad after every takes up. Now, he is always dosing! himself with some InfuMoa-of haiku? , “No wohder his health is gring te the dogs."