Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 312, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 January 1918 — SCRAPS of HUMOR [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SCRAPS of HUMOR

implied. i —"■ The young man had consulted a "medium” and was telling his friend, Mr. Henry Peck, about it. "Did the fortune teller tell you anything interesting?” he asked. "Oh, so-so. He was very flattering.” "Did he say that you were going to be married?” “No, he didn’t mention a word about marriage.” “That’s queer—they usually do. Well, what did he say about you?” "He said I was born to command." “Well, that means you will never bo married. Congratulations!” Little Pitchers. Young Hopeful—lf you’re coming to our house' to supper tomorrow, you won’t get anything to eat. Friendly Neighbor —Why, Tommy, what do you mean? Young Hopeful—l heard pa tell ma she’d have to get some cheap ehickeu feed for her old hen party. Not Well Put. . Dowies-r-What a grasping fellow you are, Smith ! You’ve bothered me about this bill fifty times in ten days! wrong me. I’m not grasping. I’ve bothered, you about the bill, I admit, but I haven’t been able to grasp anything yet!—London TitBits. MAKING A HIT. °

The Ciomedian—While I was on I saw the young lady in box D look at me and then speak to the elder lady. Did you hear what she said, boy? The Ush—Yes; she said, “Please pass the formaldehyde.” A Laudable Ambition. Now this is our ambition; We’ll say it; frank aftd blunt— A nice long row of figures With a dollar mark in front. An Insult. “That burglar insulted me.” “How?” '“He demanded my money or my life.” “Well?” “All I -had with me was sixty cents p«d he took that in preference to my life.” Logical Act. “Mazle broke her engagement with Harold.” “Why did she do that?” “I believe it was because she thought he was cracked.”

Recrimination. He —You used to say you would delight to obey me. She— -And you used to swear you were mine to command. a ■ V Reversed. “Her husbiind works nights.” "Well.” “She’s complaining all the time that he never spends his days at home.” The Night Hawk. “What’s Old Rounder doing now?” “Trying to get the gang to stay another hour while he tells tbem how much he thinks of home.” The Difference. "Is your son engaged in any manual occupation?” “Oh, no; nothin’ so highbrow aa that. He jest works by the day.” A Joyful Event. “There’s one thing I’ll say for tha kaiser: His funeral would break tha world’s record for attendance.” “That so?” “It’s a cinch. Think of the milllona of people In the world who would lika to go to it right how.” The Only Chance. “Does Bllggins ever tell the truth?” “I don’t know. Maybe he does sometimes. I never had a chance to healhim talk in his sleept” ’' \ »