Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 312, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 January 1918 — Wilhelm Accepts Satan’s Throne [ARTICLE]

Wilhelm Accepts Satan’s Throne

Pottsdam, Sept. 2, 1917. j To Herr von Lucifer H. Satan. Infernal Regions: - My Very Dear Satan: Your letter of June 28, 1917, is before us wherein you so graciously abdicate your throne in our favor which we nave accepted with full knowledge of its importance, and will assure you beyond doubt that the infernal regions wilj lose nothing in frightfulness by the change of administratii n. We fully appreciate your diplomacy and. good sense in abdicating before the crash for the day has arrived when German power and influence will encircle the earth; for only by - German efficiency can the universe progress; for such is the German idea that all things must succumb to its force. Your letter of abdication will go down in history as a state paper pf more than ordinary force for which you have our imperial appreciation. You showed very good judgment when you said ‘the pupil had become the master*; as we are the pupils, we thank you for reminding us of the truthful old proverb: “If the pupil does not become greater than the master the world must come to a standstill.” In consideration- of your faithful services in the past I appoint you for the present chancellor of our kingdom of hell and you will take your orders from us direct.

ATTENTION! ! You will at oncy establish a secret wifeless communication between hades and the celestial regions. I have reason to believe that English influence is jeiu? brought to bear in that locality. Inasmuch as it is to his own interest, Gott is still mit uns. But there is a lack of efficiency and thoroughness contrary to the German idea; quick and certain counter action must take place at once. You will this day liberate from thd traitor’s chamber of torture four arch traitors, namely, Judas Iscariot, General Bernadotte, the Duke of Augustenburg and Benedict Arnold. Judas will go to Russia and. become an apostle in the faith of Kerensky. He .will lead that hated Russian to the garden of Gethsemeni and see that the Pharisees once more do their duty. Bernadotte, who betrayed Napoleon Bonaparte and received the throne of Sweden for his treachery, will go to Stockholm at once. While the aristocracy and the royal house of Sweden are our secret allies, the common people lean toward our enemies. This must be averted, for we shall expect Sweden to strike Russia in the back no later than September, 1918. In consideration of this service Sweden will be listed as a bright jewel in our imperial Crown when small countries shall cease to live. An extraordinary evil spirit is needed in England today. You will equip and order the Duke of Augustenburg to London. It was he who set the trap that took the life of Frederick of Denmark and later brought Germany two provinces of his country. So cleverly was this done that we feel perfectly safe in trusting England’s premier Lloyd George in the hands of the Duke—ferstehen sie? To “strafe” England is the whole object of this war. If. therefore, we have to destroy all living things and make the earth unfit for men. The blood lust of the German eagle is rampant and Deutchland Über Alles—his slogan. In your letter of abdication you said: “I planted in your soul a deep hatred for England and all thing English.” For that may dear Satan accept our royal thanks. For this hatred is our very life, the mainspring of our ambition and the world shall quake, and blood shall flow until all things English shall have perished. Likewise do I hate the English cousins across the sea. The art of treason so highly developed in the Fatherland is well under way in America. The work of our efficient spy system covers every accursed state in the Union and schools of traeson under various names, such as slackers, pacifists, People’s Council of America, I. W. W.’s,<and others, are fast developing It is now our desire to consolidate

the various factions under one banner and one leader; therefore you will at once dispatch -Herr Benedict von Arnold to America with a letter of introduction to the Burgomeister of Chicago who will assign him rooms for general headquarters and further establish branch offices in Milwaukee, Cincinnati, St. Louis and Davenport, lowa. Yon will place at his command a large assignment of Iron Crosses to be distributed as he sees fit, also the yellow book that will give the location of our wireless stations and names of certain .Amercian officials loyal to our cause Place at his demand sufficient monev for bribes and exercise Prussian efficiency everywhere. It shall be his special duty to look after one Theodore von Roosevelt, general of a division of “kuh punchers.” It is of the utmost importance that this man shall never set foot on the soil of France. Use technique if possible, but rather than himmel! ! “Schlack him on der head mit a brickstein.” This is the most important part of his mission, and impress this upon his mind, if he fails, back to the torture chamber of traitors he goes, sever again to be liberated. Apropos, Herr von Satan, liberate Shakespeare’s imp of infamy, Herr von loga, and give his instructions to look out for men higher up. . I dare say neither of ns to give him further instructions; he lcnovts the game; he is past grand master.

Ad now my dear friend, without! diminishing your wonderful talent! I will have to tell you that the present condition of hell is insufficient

to the demand of Prussia. You must at once proceed to Germanize every unit in the infernal regions. Under penalty of hitherto unknown cruelties, no language but German shall be spoken. You will call your architects and have a new annex erected for all future patrons from England and America with new and modern appliances for such entertainments I deem worthy to all who spe&k the accursed tongue of England. The Iron Cross should adorn the breast of every imp of hell who <»m> suggest new and efficient torture to the enemy of Germany. The dreams of Nietzsche, Twit*chke, Moltke and Bismark havo at last come true. POWER 1 1 The great force is now in the hands of Germany to its appointed ’ agent. The Kaiser, who rules all things and German kultur, will penetrate even the darkest chamber of hell. When England is at our feet begging for mercy and all other nations, great and small shall kiss our foot, then Imperial Peace shall be universal. I shall turn all Europe over to my beloved son, the Crown Prince and place a Hohenzollern on every throne on earth and I, Wilhelm the Great, will take personal charge of the infernal regions while yott, my dear friend and advisor, shall be awarded for the fattnful interest you have taken in our behalf. We do not doubt the loyalty of the chief magistrate of Chicago; but his work is coarse, and we fed our cause is suffering in his hand and therefore his abdication is in orderHere is the key to the city on the lake and the purple Robe of the Burgomeister is yours. As advisors in your council chamber 1 would suggest such well known schemers as Herr von Bernstorff, Herr von Bethman Hollveg, Herr von Michaels. For constables and ward heelers we suggest von Hindenburg, Ven Cluck, Von Mackenson and others. And for official dog catcher I offer the Sultan of Turkey. With such an administration German Kultur will advance in Chicago.”

WILHELM.