Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 311, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 January 1918 — With The Boys At Camp Shelby. [ARTICLE]

With The Boys At Camp Shelby.

Saturday, Dec. 29, 1917, was one of those rare but cold nights at Camp Shelby, one of those wintery nights i which have shattered the faith, of more than one soldier in the reputaj tion of the South for balm and sunI niness. On this particular night j there were gathered in a tent of one : machine gun battalion several boys from Kentucky, Indiana and West Virginia—the machine gun battalion be it noted is composed of men from all states contributing their quota to the troops now training here. Gloom as deep as prevailed in the outer world had settled upon the little assemblage. Words were few and conversation sparse and following no particular trend, f inally one giant Kentuckian after decrying everything and nothing in particular struck a happy chord when he casually mentioned the approach of the New Year. “Well, cheer pp, fellows,” said he, “nineteen eighteens on the way and all our troubles of ’l7 will soon be buried. Some sport in that, boys. We can at least look forward to a bright future. Think of all the medals we'may sport before another year rolls around. Think——*—

“Aw, cut that cheerful stuff,” interrupted a stalwart Hoosier, “what's there to shout about the coming of a New fear when you can't even welcome it in decent style? Why back there in Old indiany we show 'em how to say how-dye to a New Year. But what are you goin’ to do here without one single drop of the proper stuff to toast the New fear with? Tretty tough when you have to say ‘Happy New fear' and then wash down your cheerful language with water. ‘Tis tough, fellows.” “You’ve got an awful kick cornin’, ain’t you?” chimed in a West Virginia hero. You said a mouthful, but not half enough. Why the worst of it is you can’t even make a decent New Year’s resolution. Where are you goin’ to swear anything off in Mississippi? *Tell me. Will some of you guys please take the floor?” Silence settled over the little company. Brows were wrinkled in thought. “Finally Mr. West Virginian blurted out:

“Well, why don’t some Christian gentleman speak? Am I right?” “I guess you’re right,” piped up a loosier who had preserved a digniied silence before. “But shoot, let’s lear some more from you.” “Well, here’s the way I doped it out,” responded the challenged party: “Every year abont this time, I get ready for my annual trip on the water wagon. But say, fellows, how in Sam Hill am I, going to get on the food ole buss this A. D.? Why, I laven’t even a decent wish to climb the high and shaky seat. Why ever since I’ve been in Mississippi, I haven’t even smelled anything that might have grazed a brewery or distillery. Where’s there any fun in celebrating the New Year, if you can’t raise your one. hand with that ‘never again’ pledge and reach with the other for the handle bar of that dear old water cart?”

“The boy’s a genius,” brokenly sobbed a Kentuckian, “but that’" not the worst of it. Every yea# about this time I argue with mvself that poker is too dam expensive and vow that me and penny ante have come to the parting of the ways. But here in Mississippi no such. hapuine«« no such reveling in virtuous thought, for hows’ a mortal being going to deny himself a vice that does not exist? Why you can’t even match a friend for a soda down here without some constable grippine you the arm and haling you before a J. P. who drones out the usual $lO or thirty days. ’Tis terrible. How’s a man going to do things up brown on New Year’s Eve? Can you beat it?” “Yes, I can.” It was another West Virginian who spoke. Disdain curled about the lips of the rest of the party. Supercilious smiles of superior wisdom greeted this bold assertion. , . “Go on*, smile, lass, you rummies,’ continued the wise inan without batting an eyelash. “Did you fellows ever happen to think that a fellow can’t even swear off cussin’ down 5 n this neck o’ the woods? You didn’t did you? Well, it’s a fact. They’ve soaked so many poor guys in the courts down here for speaking plain, forcible United States, that everybody talks in the language of the church fathers. Now, you fellows know I was never a swearing man, if I say it myself, but then there are times when a fellow must use a few words which are not found in Web-

ster. w . "But since I’m in Ole? Miss I’ve learnt mighty well to put the soft pedal on my speech. You don t hear me cuss, not even when I’m plumb mad at having nowhere to go while in Hattiesburg gn & Sunday afternoon. No siree, you don’t hear me, at least no so your ears could catch my conversation. You might be able to detect some suphurious lingo,, if you were a mind reader, but you re not and neither are the constables. So there you are again; I assert you can’t swear off cussin’ in Mississippi, ’cause you don’t cuss here. The glooih deepened. Silence, ominous and heavy hung over the little group. AD thoughts were bent on finding some way of giving the New Year a glad and virtuous welcome, but how to do it was the great quea-

tion of the hour/ . . Finally the Hoosier who had started the whole fuss came to the fore. He hemmed and hawed a while and then blurted out: “Fellows, how about swearing off smoking, chewing tobacco and such like?” "Nothing doing,” came the answer

from a remote corner of the tent, and “nothing doing” was echoed by the rest of the company. “Nix, on that,” piped a Kentuckian, “that’s not on the calendar and besides it’s not against the law to smoke.” “Well, I’ll tell you what we’ll do, let’s make two pledges. Here’s one: Let’s quit seeing the girls, or if far away, let’s quit writing to them.” Undismayed by the _ sinister glances which shone dagger like from nearly a score of eyes, the unhappy man continued: r “Let’s also swear off A. W. O. L. 99 But he got no further. When he recovered he found himself outside the tent with the chilly December breezes fanning his feverish brow. After he recovered somewhat h|e heard a voice from the, tents “What’s the matter with Jfiat guy? Does he want to take the nast ounce of joy out of lffe?”f Yea, folks, it’s hard to swear Off things in Mississippi.