Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 304, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 December 1917 — A LITTLE BIT HUMOROUS [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

A LITTLE BIT HUMOROUS

QUICK WORK REQUIRED. A certain Irish sergeant in one of the home regiments was exceedingly wroth when he discovered that one of his men had paid a visit to the regimental barber and was minus his mustache. He immediately went up to him. “Private Jones,” he roared, “who on earth gave you permission to get that mustache off?” “Nobody,” answered Jones unconcernedly, “only I thought It would improve my appearance.” “Improve your appearance wld a face like yoijfs!” bawled the enraged sergeant. “If yez don’t hiv it on again at the afternoon pafade today there’ll be trouble!” A Stickler for Form. The near-sighted humorist happened to bump Into a pedestrian who had a grouch. The pedestrian grew pugnacious. “Take off them glasses and I’ll punch your face for you,” he cried. “But, my dear sir,” said the humorist calmly, “it is quite against the custom, you know. Who ever heard of ordering off the glasses before the punch was served?” The Brighter Side. She—This is the third time you’ve come home drunk this week. He —Don’t be so p-pessimlstic, m’dear. You should think of the four nights I came home sober. PACED TOO RAPIDLY.

“Waiter, ask the orchestra to play something different.” “Any particular selection, sir?” “Something slower; I can’t chew my food properly in waltz time.” Another Game. At playing cards I feel compelled To say I’ve earned no glory. , But, oh, the lovely hands I’ve held In a conservatory. He Did. “You remember Jimmy Jimson, the bad boy everybody said would 'surely come to a bad end?” “Yes, what of him?” “Nothing, except that in his case for once everybody was right.” ■ r ‘ One Way to Get Along. “They seem very devoted to each other.” “Yes, indeed. She doesn’t try to tell him how to play golf and he admits that she knows more about bridge whist than he does.” Not G,uilty. Judge —What is the charge? Cop—Suspicious character, your honor. Accused (indignantly)—lt’s him that’s suspicious, judge. I ain’t suspicious of nobody. Reversed. “When we were first married I gave my wife a regular allowance." “And now?” “Now, she takes all my salary and let’s me have the allowance.” Couldn't Find Jjh The Kid —This map is riot correct. The Teacher —Why not? The Kid —You told me the general was going to Reconnoiter, but I can’t And trite place on the map. A Reduction. "Do you find your expenses lessening In any way?” “Well?" replies the man who tries to be cheerful, “since I took up this food control idea I don’t have to buy nearly ■o many dyspepsia tablets.” Possibly. Fl do —I don’t object so much to my mistress kissing me, but Td prefer for her to kiss me before ker fiance, no* after. Rover— Maybe he has his preference, too-