Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 271, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 December 1917 — ON THE FUNNY SIDE [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

ON THE FUNNY SIDE

ONE MAN'S CONCLUSION.

“Watches and political candidates are much alike." “What’s the matter now?" “That Is, unless they run well they are no good 1" Failure. Fame’s ladder none would want to climb For there'd be nothing to it. If men succeeded every time They tried to do It. Politics as She Is Did. - Political Leader—How does Bump stand? Henchman —All right, 1 guess. He belongs to the same political party as we do. » . Political Leader — Confound it! That’s ’no sign. Is he with us or against us? —Puck. A Lost Friend. “I’m up against it. I like Brown very much, but I see no way now to avoid losing his friendship.” “What’s the matter?” “He has asked me to lend him money. If I refuse he’ll hate me; If I lend It to him I shall hate him.”

A Mystery. “I don’t see why this'walter doesn't give me better service,” complained the stingy man. ‘ “That Is rather strange.” “Yes. I’ve never been In her before. Therefore, how could he know that I don’t Intend to tip him?” Where Retribution Waits. "I can’t help thinking about my friends and family,” said Senator Sorghum. “Homesick?” “No. Tin doubtful about what they’re going to say. Tm not so much homesick as I am home-scared.” _ i Those Hairpins. Beacon —Does your wife use invisible hairpins? Egbert—Why, yes; I think her mouth is full of them now. Not Always. “Are all women won by flattery?" “Not by any means. If that were the case prlma donnas would Invariably marry their press agents.”

BETWEEN BITES.

Doyle—The byes say' ye licked poor Dugan. Shure, he niver hurt iny man’s feelin’s. Boyle—He’s a shnake In the grass. The blackguard referred to me as his contlmperary, and Til be the contimperary to no man livin’.’ Not Wearing Well. She went and married a- gilded youth Of course she's wiser now, forsooth. She hears the folks who know him scoff And sees the gilding wearing off. Scientifically Considered., “I think a man derives bls mentality and character from his mother,” remarked the student of heredity. - “Then,” commented Miss Cayenne, “the mother pf a slacker must have been one of those girls who manicure their nails find eat chocolates while mother does the housework."