Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 210, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 September 1917 — SOME SMILES [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SOME SMILES

A Lost Opportunity.

Hindenburg (gloomily)— Calling my strategic lines by Wagnerian names doesn’t seem to have done any good. Kaiser (peevishly)—Of course it didn’t. If you wanted to frighten off the enemy with Wagner why didn’t you have the regimental bands play the music? ——

One Resemblance. “Here you have scattered bullets all over the range. Thought you said you were like lightning with a rifle.” “Well, lightning never hits twice in the same place.” They Might. “My shoes wear out too darn quick.” “Why don’t you get a pair of them heavy shoes?” “I should think they’d be apt to pinch a chap.” ■ —— ' tr —■ — ■ —— Their Advantage. “I don’t see how anybody can fall out with street car conductors.” “Why not?” “Because they view everything in such a fare light” “Somewhere." Mollie (who has been naughty and condemned to “no toast”)—Oh, mummy, anything but that 1 I’d rath-

er have a hard Smack —anywhere you like. —Punch. Not His Fault. The Sire —No, I won’t let you .marry my daughter. You can’t earn your salt. w The Suitor —And yet you. also complain of my being too fresh. Home Exhibition. “Wouldn’t you love to see those tanks in France wobbling along?” “I don’t have to go to France. I can see one every time the old man comes home late.” » - - On His Estate. Willis—What sort of a man is he? Gillis —Well, if he had a country estate he’d have the katydids saying “Katy done it," before a week was up. Literal Ennui. “He’s dangling that big watch of his to amuse the baby because he didn’t know what to do with himself.” “Yes, I see time Is hanging heavily on his hands.”

No Complaint.

“What are we going to do about the scarcity of meat?" “Don’t say nuffln’ ’tall ’bout ft,” said Mr. Erastus Pinkley. “Es we can’t git ordinary meat we’ll be Jes’ naturally obliged to eat fried chicken."

Safety First. >Nlce Old Lady—Do you play on the piano, Harold? Little Harold—Not when maw’r. around. She’d be afraid I’d fall off.