Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 183, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 August 1917 — SCRAPS of HUMOR [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SCRAPS of HUMOR

ONE WAY OUT. It was the day before their first “hop over,” and the regiment was drawn up in mass behind the lines to listen to a “few words” from the colonel. He pointed out to them at some length the straight and narrow path wherein their duty lay, and after giving them the general direction of the road to glory, concluded with the lines: ' “If we go forward we die. If we go backward we die. Better go forward and die.** The awed silence which followed was broken by the languid voice of a Bllljlm in the rear. “Yairs,” he drawled derisively, “a bloke’s best chance is to be a blinkin’ crab!” —Sydney Bulletin. Just for a Change. "If I were writing a play in which a wealthy married couple had the principal role do you know what I would do?” “What?” “I would have them refer to their courtship in Petrograd, Constantinople, or Bucharest.” “But what’s the Idea?” “Oh, just to get away from Venice, Fiesole and Monte Carlo, where twothirds of the married people on the stage seem to have met each other.” HUFFED.

“So Miss Wrinkles is huffed at you?” “You bet She said that she was twenty-five yeArs old, and I said, ‘Certainly, but when?”’ Morose Nummary. And when the fishin’ trip is done, The fish ain’t much to eat. He’s mostly made of skeleton And mighty little meat. 1 Didn’t Count First Fair Autolst—Did you have to pay any damages to that man you ran over? Second Fair Autolst—No. Fortunately he was my husband. A Clear Case. “Great Scott! What alls that automobile? See how those wheels wobble.” “Looks to me like a clear case of auto-lntoxlcatlon 1” Down on ’Em. Katharine—What do you think of doctors generally? Kidder—Well, I have come to the Conclusion that there are a great many quacks outside of the duck trust. » Bumped. Fatleigh—Look out where you’re go* Ing. Can’t you see the length of your nose? . . Neerslte—l could if I was cross-eyed like you. Between Studio Pais. Artiste-Well, what do you think of the idea? Critic —It’s not half as bad as it’s painted. - ■ — Proof Positive. -- are fools.” . ... “Is that your theory?” “Yes.” A ’“Then we will let it go at that.” No, Thank You. She —Won’t you have a cup of tea, Mr. Rounder? Mr. Rounder—rm afraid It wouldn’t mix with what I’ve had. Crabbed Disposition. “Now, this is a snappy suit.” said the glib salesman. "See here, young man,” answered the grouchy customer. “That word ‘snappy,’ when applied to clothes is my pet abomination. I don’t want a snappy suit If you show me another Til get snappy myself.” Smoke Nuisance. Visiting Plumber—Cleanliness, my friend, is next to godliness. Native—ln this town it’s next to taH possible. *