Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 168, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 August 1917 — LIFE'S LITTLE JUSTS [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

LIFE'S LITTLE JUSTS

AS A CHILD INTERPRETED IT. The city’s diners out are hearing a new story this season. Rabbi Stephen S. Wise of the Free Synagogue says: “Not long ago a mother of one of my little pupils came to me and said: “ ‘Doctor, how could you speak to my little daughter so cruelly? She came home from the synagogue in tears, and never wants to go back,* "•What did I say to her?’ Tasked In astonishment. “‘You told her if she didn’t come oftener you would throw her in the furnace,’ the accusing mother asserted. “I thought it over, much puzzled, and then I recalled that what I really did say was this: “‘lf you are not more regular in attendance I shall have to drop you from the register.’ "—New York Times. Out of the Question. “From an esthetic point of view, what do you think of the average cabaret?” “I cannot answer your question," replied Prof. Blinkers. “Why not?” “For an obvious reason, sir. It in just as impossible to take an esthetic view of the average cabaret as It in to apply a profound knowledge of the classics to an analysis of soup." TESTED HUMOR.

Editor — I can't use these jokes. Jokesmith—That’s odd. They’ve been used by all the best papers bn this country. Unscientific Barbarism. The savage mind was narrow. That’s how it came to pass Men used a poisoned arrow Instead of poisoned gas. Started at the Back. “I’ve begun to read that novel yots loaned me.” “The first chapter Is peculiar, isn’t itr “I haven't come to that yet.” Cart Before the Horse. She —You never take me to a show any mere. He — Yqu spend so much for theater gowns, there’s nothing left to take youi there. Then It Happened. “What made you think he would propose to me?” “Why, when I refused him he said; he didn’t care what became of ’him p but, perhaps, he wasn’t serious.” Not Very Comforting. “Dobbins, the art critic, has roasted my pictures unmercifully.” “Don’t mind that fellow. He’s no ideas of his own; he only repeats like a parrot what others say.” A Safe Bet. Sockson Buskin—l’m going to play! Othello. Bookyer Betts—Didn’t know he waa runnin’. Hl bet he’s a dark horse I j Two Chances. Hlt —What do you think of this new automobile gun for. modern warfare? Dix—Fine. If It doesn’t shoot th* enemy, it will run over him. • I ■■■■- Fishing for Compliments. Critic—That’s a beautiful picture. The Artist —You must be shortsighted. • '.'Jl--. 7'; Critic —Well, I guess I am. Safe. “Dubson has been calling on the Twobble twins and says he doesn’t! know which one he’ll propose to.” “If Dubson knew what the Twobble twins think of him, he wouldn’t have to bother about making up ids mind. He could propose to either one without running any risk of having a wife out his hands." A Different Tramp. Jack (somewhat of a pedestrian)—! took a tramp to town yesterday. Kidder—What did you do with him!