Evening Republican, Volume 21, Number 160, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 July 1917 — SCRAPS of HUMOR [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SCRAPS of HUMOR

PUBLIC SENTIMENT.

“Do you pay much attention to public sentiment?” “No; I always look the other way when I see a young couple bolding hands in the park.”

’Twai Ever Thus. High-priced meat make* boarding bouses Harp the same old tunes; They give you hash for breakfast, and For Bupper you get prunes.

Bad l-orm. “Fancy a queen being jilted! Yet, that was poor Dido’s experience." “Yes,” replied the practical person. “Dido made a great mistake In not controlling her feelings. Instead of havIng the word passed around that she sent Aeneas about his business because Bhe din’t like the way he foxtrotted, ghe made a public exhibition of her broken heart.”

Entirely Misleading.. “Did I understand you to say that Glithers has read a great many books?” “Yes, but he has profited little.” “Surely # there Is Inspiration to be found in good books?” “I’m not denying that. The kind Glithers reads contain so-called short cuts to wealth.”

The Brighter Bide. “I see where another fortunate man has found a valuable pearl in an oyster.” “Nothing like that ever happens to me,” said the poor but cheerful citizen. “Still, I don’t worry. I would consider myself lucky to get the oyster.”

Hollering Stations. Mr. Krusty—Young man, with that voice of yours you to be with some company on the road. Young Man (who has just sung)— As a tenor in grand opera? Mr. Krusty—No; brakeman on some railroad.

His Idea. Dr. Emdee —Was the operation on Ooyner’s wife successful? Dr. Phil Graves —Not altogether. Coyner went Into bankruptcy just be* fore I sent him my bill.

ALL RIGHT.

De Style-Chat’s her social standing? De Smear —Three trips to Reno, a Fifth avenue mansion and a Newport villa.

Wasted Oratory.

“Why do you refer to me as a ‘windjammer?” asked the orator, in some heat. •*' ; “Because you talk so much.” “Sir, my speeches are informative.” “Maybe they are, but the tumble is they don’t inform me of anything I want to know.”

A Timely Provision.

She—Dearest, I would die for you. He—That’s very sweet of V you, Amanda, but don’t make It peroxid* blende.